COMING UP ON 9 YEARS

An area especially for those who are newly bereaved by suicide. If you feel alone or need extra help, please let us know.

COMING UP ON 9 YEARS

Postby mattersnot » Sat Dec 03, 2016 10:23 pm

DEAR NEWLY BEREAVED..ON MONDAY IT WILL BE 9 YEARS SINCE MY BROTHER DECIDED HE NEEDED TO DEPART THIS WORLD I AM REPOSTING WHAT I WROTE HERE ON A N EARLIER MEMORIAM ,,B/C IT WAS SO TRUE

i never thought I could survive 9 years..but here I am living proof..that time does help to heal...

Dear Newly Bereaved and sibling survivors..

I wasn't sure where to post this,in newly bereaved or siblings..but I thought maybe the new bereaved might benefit from a survivor that thought years ago,this would never get here..!!
first of all I will say..this forum was a great help...I read lots before I ever posted.. and when I did post ..it was great place to unload... also there is a website called Fierce Goodbye which was great..and helped my elderly parents..
My brother died of suicide Dec 5 2007 ..and he lived in another city,where we have a sister. His death was a shock..and also not..he was living in an apt..a divorced father (his daughter lives where I live) he had a business here that went bankrupt..had gotten involved with a cocaine whore of a woman..and then he got sober ..new job in anew city..got fired from that job..got a different job..got laid off then got a menial crappy job in a dept store that sucked the life out of him....and of course he needed to help himself...
Here are the things I know for sure about this kind of grief:
-if you cant sleep after a few nights see the doc and get sleeping pills..only for 30days..just so you can rest
-CLOSE your eyes when you go to bed..you cant sleep with your eyes open..I would have to tell myself..close your eyes!
- the guilt is in waves..some days ok other days awful...just lean into it and suck it up..it does get better...Apologize and ask for their forgiveness.. write a letter to them..mine started when Igot back from my trip out to the city where he lived to help my sister clean out his apt.I added to that letter whenever I felt the need..The last time I wrote in it was last year at his anniv date..
It really does get better with time...it doesnt heal totally up but it does get better..some days I totally understand his plan..other days no...dont get it..and when I have my guilty days..I just suck it up and say ok..yep ..you shoulda woulda coulda done better..!!!So Sorry..
I wanted information..and I contacted this shrink..one of his other doctors..his RX at a few stores..some would not give me info..others did...
I asked for and got his computer...found his journal..which included entries from a few days and weeks before AND the day of..........I was a total dectective....and that helped me..my sister did not want details..I did...and got them.thats not for everyone ..but it was for me...
I think thats the best info I can give you.. it may not right now,seem like it will ever get better but it does..it just takes it's sweet time...........hang in there..and ask God for Support..he does listen! mattersnot
mattersnot
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