My Father in-law took his life on June 20th

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My Father in-law took his life on June 20th

Postby HelenS » Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:23 am

Hello,

I am not sure exactly what to say. My Father in-law who I have known for 16 years was found in his home unconscious from a intentional insulin overdose. He was helicoptered to a hospital and was declared severely brain damaged. We took him off life support two days later. It has been one of the most horrible experiences I have ever gone through. A few months earlier my sister attempted suicide for the third time and was on a ventilator for a week. She has physically recovered but I am still traumatized by it all. With my father in-law I just don't quite know how to feel. I have suffered loss before but suicide is so different. It was not a peaceful passing. I don't know if this makes sense but I have so many feelings that I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. I feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, love, worry for where he is now... It is overwhelming. I was also voted by the family to be the executor of his estate and he had no Will. My life is totally consumed with unraveling his life. I have no reprieve from it. I don't want to burden my husband with my feelings because he is not taking it well. The last two days have been the worst so far. I am trying not to break down in front of my children. I can't sleep and my heart is pounding. I can't believe he did this to his children and his grandchildren. I wonder if anything could have been done for him. He must have been so tormented in life. I am just so sad.
HelenS
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Re: My Father in-law took his life on June 20th

Postby cali » Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:44 am

Helen, it does make sense. You are right, suicide loss is very different from any other. All of your feelings are "normal" for suicide loss, including the overwhelm. It might be helpful if you can find a counselor or someone to talk to about this who is not part of your immediate family. You have so much on your plate, just keep breathing through it, and take it one step at a time. Come here and read and write when you feel the need. If you can find an SOS group in your area, it could help to share your feelings with others who can understand what you are going through. This will soften with time, but for now, find whatever small helpful things you can to ease things, a walk, a quiet cup of tea, a few moments with a friend. There are no big fixes now, so the small things are what will get you through. Sending strength and light, cali
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