I know they mean well...

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I know they mean well...

Postby cameliafl » Tue May 12, 2015 6:33 am

Today my teacher came up to ask me "why are still so grumpy?" She was one of the few whom I had confided in in my new school ever since the inicident happened a month a ago. I talked to her because she is a kind and caring teacher and I believed that sharing what has happened to my friend could perhaps ease the stress I was feeling from all the pent up emotions in school.
But her today her question made me extremely mad. I do know that she had good intentions and she hopes to push me towards being "myself" again.
Truth be told? I don't think I'm ever the same person anymore. Nowadays I prefer time alone and socializing has become a tiring and daunting task I no longer have energy for. My friends are frustrated and so am I. I feel like each day I'm trapped in a delicate dance of avoiding triggering topics and socializing for the sake of doing so.
Each day is so tiring, so exhausting and the next so daunting.
cameliafl
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Re: I know they mean well...

Postby Jason » Wed May 13, 2015 1:22 pm

Since what happened with Rebecca I have had people make the wrong comments towards me. Then I realized it is not them, it was me. I agree with you, I will never be the same person I was but I do have many choices about the kind of person I want to be. I lost all but one friend that I knew before, she txt me everyday after Rebecca passed, just checking on me, listening, and just being there. Since then, I have only a very few friends. Many supportive co-workers, family members, and Christian bothers & sisters. I have realized that I could have more but I have been the one holding myself back and am only now beginning to reach out. Your energy will come back over time, it is a big drain in the beginning but you will have your down times and it is facing and getting through those times you will feel relief. Sometimes the alone time can be spent well by making new memories. Rebecca and I went on a date just across the highway from where I work at a play center (bowling, ski ball, token games, go carts, ect.). After work one night I sat out behind the building looking across the land, highway and at that place and just broke down untill I finally relaxed. Now I have other memories of that place with alot of family going there together, kids running around all excited with the games and prizes, all the jokes and pranks being pulled by the "adults." It was fun. I know I will see Rebecca again someday and I look forward to telling her about the great many things I experienced. In a sense I get to live for my wonderful wife.

The more I let it out the better I feel. Cameliafl, face them when you want to, be it when you are ready or not ready. How you let it out does not matter at first, anger, sadness, grumpiness, there is no "right way". You can continue to talk to your teacher if you want. One of the things I would ask her is to just listen to you, just listen and tell her you understand it may be difficult. Then tell her more and how it made you feel angry, it will let her know where you stand and how she can be there for you.
Keep doing what you are doing because it does get better. =)
July 1986 - Oct 2011. Whispering nightly. "Rebecca, I love you. I forgive you. I miss you. I will hold you again."
Jason
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Re: I know they mean well...

Postby thaderiver » Mon May 18, 2015 5:43 pm

cameliafl,

That would make me mad as well if someone said that to me. I have a hard enough time opening up to people, then when people just don't get it, I regret ever opening up to them. But, all of my counselors have told me that I need to keep talking about my feelings if I am to cope with them. So sometimes I still talk to people who don't get it, but I do it for myself. and I try to ignore their comments of ignorance.

I also know that feeling of being burned-out all the time. My emotions suck up all the energy out of me. I feel I have a headache all the time. And no energy to even think. It's exhausting. When these emotions became too much for me, I started asking my doctor for medication. I got the medication, but it can take several months to even start working. So now I'm still exhausted.

Just keep talking, even if all you can say is that you're exhausted. Sharing helps.
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