My mom killed herself Jan 19, 2015

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My mom killed herself Jan 19, 2015

Postby Cryptoferoxia » Mon Feb 16, 2015 7:15 am

I decided to join this site in the hopes of finding some support, maybe some answers. On Jan 20, 2015 I came home from my college classes to find my mom dead, heres my story:

My mom has always struggled with depression. She has since she was a teenager. For the last 5 years she has been my grandmothers full time caregiver up until she died on Aug 3, 2014 from Alzheimers. After my grandma passed my mom was having a hard time. Then in December my grandpa came to live with us since he could no longer care for himself. Taking care of him really took a toll on my mom. She could already barely take care of herself much less a bed ridden, angry all the time 84 year old. I know she was stressed out beyond belief taking care of him since her brother (my uncle) refused to help at all. For the past 5 years he pretty much refused to even see his ailing parents much less help my mom take care of them so I moved in and helped as much as I could. I stayed Tuesday through Friday at the house to help out and then went to stay with my boyfriend Friday afternoon through monday night.

On Jan 20, 2015 I got out of my College class and started heading home like I always do every week. When I got to the house, I noticed the door was locked which was very weird. I have no key to get in and since my mom is always at the house she leaves it unlocked for me. That's when I knew something was wrong. I started knocking on the door and could hear my grandpa in the living room yelling out for my mom. Several minutes went by and she never came to the door. I started getting worried. I walked around to the front where her bedroom window was and started banging on it. She still didn't come to the door. I decided to call 911. The cops and the fire dept showed up and busted the door down and then they found her slumped over on the floor up against her bed dead with empty pill bottles all around her. At first, I didn't know how to respond. My grandfather was laying on the couch covered in feces since his diaper hadnt been changed. He kept asking "where's your mom?" and all I could do was say "She's dead". They ended up taking him to the hospital and calling out the medical examiner to take my moms body. Everything after that is a blur- the ME taking my moms body out on a stretcher, the cops interrogating me (literally, the cop who responded was horribly rude and not sensitive to my situation at all). I was finally able to get a hold of my boyfriend and he came over as soon as he was able to leave work. Ever since that day my life hasn't been the same.

It's just been one thing after another since that day. The funeral home messed up multiple times- they told me her body was ready to viewed when it wasn't, they told me her urn had come in when it hadn't, and then when her ashes and urn were finally ready they forgot to put her ashes in the urn! I almost walked out with an empty urn until I noticed at the last second. I'm still trying to figure out how to pay off her $2200 cremation bill. Now I'm in a "war" of sorts with her brother over my grandmas/moms estate and car. All my family cares about is getting money and getting a hold of all the furniture and jewelry in the house and all I'm worried about it making it myself to the end of the week. I'm behind in school and work, I cry all day and night long, I cant sleep at all. All I can think about is my mom killing herself and it's killing me. Now I also have to figure out how Im going to pay my moms taxes and property taxes so they don't take the house. I'm so overwhelmed. My boyfriends family is helping me as much as they can but I'm still not doing well. My mom is on my mind 24/7. I can't sleep because all I dream about is her killing herself. I hope someone on here can give me some advice or some words of wisdom because I'm not doing well at all.
Cryptoferoxia
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Re: My mom killed herself Jan 19, 2015

Postby Cschwab » Tue Mar 03, 2015 2:04 am

My heart and soul pray for you to overcome your situation while still respecting your mom and grand parents. Your mom was a strong person and depression is a desease. Hugs to you
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Re: My mom killed herself Jan 19, 2015

Postby erikamtz » Fri Apr 24, 2015 4:13 pm

I'm so sorry to hear about all the pain you're going through. I know how it feels to be in pain and feel like you're in a hole where no matter what anyone does you can't get out. But my advice to you is to lean on those who are willing to support you in any way. Also, if you can not make the payments on your mom's house, perhaps you might consider selling it? I know that might sound scary, but it gives you a chance to help pay for her cremation and help you get on your feet maybe. Your mom is not her house. Your mom is in you and it is in you that you keep her. I tried counseling, prescriptions, physical activity and SOS groups. Out of all these, physical activity and SOS groups helped the most. The biggest help was knowing that I had support and knowing that when I came out of the dark they would still be right there. I'm glad you have your boyfriend and his family. They are good people. Just know that you are not alone and even though this pain is unbearable, hope can bring you back to the light. On another note to help with money problems: have you thought of a Go Fund Me page?

Hope this helps.
Hope to be together again...love you
erikamtz
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