How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

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How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby lostdennis » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:36 pm

I am wonderimg what other people do. I do not mean to be graphic but Dennis hung himself in the basement laundry room of our home which we shared for over 20 years. I found him. I of couse screamed, yelled and jumped up and down struggling with what happened, knowing he was dead. I called for help. Neighbors came; police came; friends and family came. Now they are gone and I am home alone. I miss Dennis and I still love Dennis; I am still in the process of seeking understanding of this and forgiving him; but the spot where I found him and the image of what I saw remains in my mind. I want to move about my house freely and I do, but that spot makes me pause and think. I think but I try not to dwell on it. Then I return to my normal stuff with my mind lingering with that image. Doing that is not so bad for me, but I wonder how others handle this.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby psyquestor » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:35 pm

((((lostdennis)))) I too found my son after he hung himself. I also had to frequently go into the room where he had done it. It was the hardest thing to do. The method I used was to expose myself to the room, in very small increments. At first I'd walk into the room and then right back out. (testing the waters) it was awful. I would feel like all the air had been taken from my lungs, I would sweat and have extreme anxiety. I had to tell myself "It's just a room. He isn't here now." Slowly, I would spend a little more time in that room. I'd talk myself through it. I also focused on other memories I had of the room and kept on task whenever I had to go in there.

Eventually, I did work through and manage to be "okay" in that room. The dread I felt because less as time went by. It was "just a room." I did leave this place permanently after a year and some months. Some people do, but not all. I'm sure others will chime in on how they've coped with this. You are not alone.

If you want further reading, this is called "Exposure Therapy."
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby RD12 » Mon Sep 30, 2013 4:33 pm

My son took his life in his car almost 100 miles from home. I currently have no plans to ever return there. We junked his car. I had to go to his apartment to clean all his stuff out and retrive the personal items from his car for clues on his motivation. (The sheriff's department wouldn't give us his note for almost 30 days.) I went the weekend after his funeral. I was still numb. I have to travel through the town by interstate highway a couple times per year.

My location fear issues have transferred somewhat to his bedroom, which is directly across the hall from ours, and our church, where we held his funeral service. These places are a constant reminder of the most emotional event in my life, but to try to avoid them would be a disservice to the memory of my son and a distortion of my life to avoid the echo of something that happened, but I can never change. That said, if my son took his life in our home and it his younger brother agreed or suggested it, I would consider moving.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby lostdennis » Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:31 am

Dear "RD12:" I like what you said, "These places are a constant reminder of the most emotional event in my life, but to try to avoid them would be a disservice to the memory of my son and a distortion of my life to avoid the echo of something that happened." That is how I feel. The spot contains an "echo of something that happened." It was a painful event. I wish it never happened. To avoid the spot is a disservice to the memory and a distortion of what happened. Thank you for your thoughts.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby natasha » Sat Jun 14, 2014 2:40 am

I found my boyfriend hanging in the entry way of the house we were living in. I found great comfort in going back to that spot and sitting there, crying and talking to him. For me it was such a peaceful feeling that I just have to believe that he is at peace now. I loved being in that house for the little while after that I got to stay there. The house belonged to his family, and his brother and sister in law wanted to sell it as soon as possible, as for them the house felt terrible. I don't think either of us was right or wrong, but just different emotions with the spot. I am glad that I felt peace there. I was afraid to go back at first though.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby achingheart » Wed Jun 18, 2014 7:14 am

I lost my 18year old son on Jan 1, 2014. He chose to hang himself from the front door handle and we found him sitting on the floor. The constant reminder, every single time my husband and I walked by the door was too painful, it triggered visions that I don't want to constantly be refreshed in my mind. We chose to sell and move to a different home in the beginning of June. Our oldest son, ourselves, and including friends and family are finding it much easier. For us, this was something we needed to do, however, it wasn't an easy decision and may not be the right decision for everyone. I understand the comfort some find in being close to the place a loved one last was, I believe it is different for each of us, follow your heart and do whatever you choose to do for you. My heart goes out to all of you that have to live with this tragedy I believe my son is at peace and is with me wherever I am, and the happy memories stay no matter what you do or where you go.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby MybrotherJohn » Sun Jun 29, 2014 6:41 am

My brother shot himself in my bedroom on my bed about 2 weeks ago. I was 2300 miles away visiting my other brother when it happened but flew back right away. I did have to go back in my room, but I have a wonderful extended family and my uncles disposed of the bed and did some cleaning before I went in. It was hard. I started with slowly walking down the hall towards the room. Then looking in. Then a small slow step in. Then back out. The next few days I repeated this and now I can freely walk in and out. I have moved all my stuff to another room. I have started tearing up the carpet (which was not in good shape), and keeping busy. I'm in this house all alone as my brother and I have no kids. It is weird here now, so quiet. I look at the places he walked and can't believe this is real. It's only been 2 weeks though.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby Daisy » Sun Jul 13, 2014 1:04 am

I went and laid down where her body imprint still was, it had rained and the ground was soft where she had been for days, I wanted to feel her essence somehow, I have been there a few times since and will plant flowers .Im not ready to do that yet.Its a spot we will drive by for years to come as it's a direct route we take often, there is no way of avoiding.im not sure what else to do there , it's still to fresh.it still does not seem real, I don't know when it is really going to sink in.
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby Hawk » Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:44 pm

My mom killed herself in the basement of my little brothers house. A few weeks ago my sister brother and me went down there. It was hard but we sat down there for awhile talking about it. There is not much to say but as hard as it was it did help
“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
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Re: How do people handle the spot where the event occured?

Postby chebroadnax » Thu Nov 06, 2014 5:20 pm

Obviously, this may trigger some people. It's probably about to trigger me. Here goes.

My partner did it in our bedroom. Three weeks ago. I found her, with the belt around her neck, sitting on the floor. She was quiet, there was no sign of struggle or turmoil. I think she probably could have stood up and stopped it if she suddenly changed her mind. The first night, I couldn't get the image of her slumped against the door out of my mind. But the actual spot itself didn't bring this on. In the days since, I've returned to the room. Sometimes I sit against the same door, breathe deeply, and imagine her being there. Sometimes I talk to her. I usually light a few candles. Try to visualize her at peace, joining back up with whatever all the creative energies in the universe look like. The spot sometimes makes me gasp, but, oddly, it doesn't hurt. I don't want to avoid it.

It's only been three weeks. Not even, yet, this Saturday it will be three weeks. All of this could change.
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