I miss my mum so much

An area especially for those who are newly bereaved by suicide. If you feel alone or need extra help, please let us know.

Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby Blossom » Fri Mar 11, 2011 2:54 am

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Last edited by Blossom on Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby samwong » Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:43 am

After nearly over 3 month, i sat down and read the autopsy report... it was 6 pages.

I did not cry.... i felt my chest was very tight..
i know what i need.. i need to smoke... deep smoke.. to release the tightness of my chest..
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby Faith » Fri Mar 11, 2011 3:22 pm

Mariner: Thanks for saying what my heart feels. My beloved son once told me, "mom, my brain is sick". Oh how true those words were. At the time he said it, I didn't want to believe it. But after ten years of depression and anxiety, with no help to be found, he was ready to surrender. He left his tormented mind behind.

You are so right, our loved ones were not cowards, but very brave people, gentle souls with too much emotional pain.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby mariner » Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:44 am

I believe those who we have lost to suicide did not CHOOSE this path. When we have a choice, there are two or more options. We choose the option which is best for us. That's the normal and logical mind. This illness which affected our loved ones made them feel like there was no other choice. This was the only option. Let's compare the brain of our loved ones to the CPU in a computer... even a computer, which is a machine built to last, needs to be turned off once in a while... If's it's working overtime 24 hours of the day, it will likely melt the CPU or else it will fail in due time. I truely believe the minds of our loved ones, whether tormented by physchosis with mental illness or extreme sadness as with depression get to a point where it just wears out... it just grinds down to a halt.... and it can't take it anymore.... like an engine that seizes from too much wear and tear....

Anyhow... i digress.... It really doesn't bother me what people think about how my mom died... They didn't know her as much as I did and did not care for her as much so what they think means nothing to me. I don't even waste my breathe or energy trying to correct them etc....

I look forward to seeing my mom again in another time, or another space... or in another realm, dimension... don't know where but I know one day we shall meet again.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby samwong » Tue Mar 29, 2011 1:34 am

The pain.. i dont even get to talk to her at her last day, it was my wife that told her she was going to be a grandma .

I feel a sense of sadness, my stomach feel funny, have went for my first support grp.. the feeling somehow getting stronger, nevertheless i went there to see if i can be of anyhelp..

miss you so much....
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby Blossom » Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:18 am

H
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby samwong » Thu Mar 31, 2011 1:39 pm

Tk blossom,

My soul was tired... My body too... But I have too much dream n hope, when I open my eyes, everything will back to normal.

I am waiting for my mum birthday on the 16 April, decided to do a walk for her, just me n her, seeing sunrise n to her ash... Can't wait for it....
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby Faith » Fri Apr 01, 2011 12:42 pm

Hi Sam:

That is a wonderful way to honor your precious mom, on her birthday April 16th.

Blessings and comfort to you.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby samwong » Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:13 am

This was so harsh. I missed her so much and do know that she gone... life hit me like a truck. I can only meet her through my dream, sometimes good , sometimes bad.

This journey sucks. i dont blamed my mum, i only blamed myself.The why, if only.. etc.

Maybe the feeling getting more intense due to her birthday coming.. i dont know.. how can someone who was just with us last year having meals in restuarant, celebrating birthday.. now suddenly gone... GONE..

i feel like blaming someone for all this... but who? i have anger but vent on who? LIFE?
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: I miss my mum so much

Postby samwong » Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:26 pm

I was talking with someone about haircut, when it triggered me. i simply cannot cont the conversation and stared blankly..

I rem when am small, my mum brought me to barber, and i will be very resisted . She bought me toys to pacify me in order for me to sit properly.

I really miss all these....
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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