My boyfriend committed suicide 7 weeks ago

[MsFaolin]

Hi Everyone,

So just sharing my story. My boyfriend of four years committed suicide by hanging seven weeks ago. We had had a fight that day (our relationship was turbulent) and I left because I was so angry with him. When I came back to try talk things out I couldnt find him and called his best friend to help me look. We found him in the garage, dunno how long he had been there for, if he heard me looking for him in the house etc.

Even tho he was very depressed and had tried before, I cant help feeling so guilty, that if I didnt say anything to him about what had upset me he might still be here. Everyone says that people dont give you clues but he told me that he felt really bad three days before and that he wanted to die. I didnt think he would ever go through with it tho.

So many feelings: guilt, anger, sadness, shame, fear.

[lostwife]

MsFaolin. I am so sorry.

You are not responsible for your boyfriends death. Those aren't just words, I understand. People fight. Lovers say things to one another every day in arguments. Marriages break up, or they last, whatever but there is no possible way you are responsible for this.

I really get the guilt, anger, sadness, shame, fear. You said my exact thoughts.

Hold on, please take care of yourself. Post here. Find a trusted friend. Make a new friend that has experienced this grief, they may become your greatest ally. Try to get some rest.

You are not alone. I'm glad you found us and sorry you ever had a reason to seek us out.

[MsFaolin]

Thank you for your message. Sorry that I took so long to reply.

Sometimes things seem better, but mostly I pretend to be happy when I'm really not.