Saying goodbye to my nephew, but also my mother

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Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2017 10:55 am

Saying goodbye to my nephew, but also my mother

Post by BirdDancer » Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:02 pm

A week and a half ago my 24 year old nephew took his life. I was his closest aunt and could relate so much to him because we both struggled for years with our bipolar disorder. About a month ago he called me and asked me to go to lunch with him. I wasn't feeling well, but could not refuse. It was rare that he actually initiated such things. So I went to lunch and we had a nice time. He even treated me. I don't think he ever treated anyone to lunch ever in his whole life. I was utterly touched.

Only about two to three weeks later he threatened to kill himself and my sister called 911. He was hospitalized, but only for four days. Four days? I had had 10 hospitalizations and never stayed less than seven days. And I always went to after care therapy. My nephew refused it, then went to work again. I called him when he got out and he seemed cheerful. I reluctantly felt things were OK. Then only a few weeks later my brother-in-law found him. And that was it. There was no way to save him.

My nephew suffered with depression most of his life. At least since he was 12 or 14 years old. How cruel it was that someone so young had to suffer. But I still saw a good future for him. I told him so often. But he just couldn't see it. The depression told him otherwise.

My mother died 13 years ago. Her death was an extreme blow to this nephew and inspired his first suicide attempt. I tried to comfort him as I comforted myself. My mother's death was sudden and unexpected.

After all of these years my mother's urn has sat in my father's bedroom. That sort of bothered my husband and I. After my nephew's death I proposed to my sister that his ashes be spread with my mother's. She loved the idea. Her husband didn't know if my dad would like the idea, but it came to pass that my dad suggested it just yesterday. Now I do have some relief that my mother and nephew will be together nourishing the beautiful spot overlooking the river. Though my grieving for my mother is much further along after 13 years, my nephew's is still so new. But them being together will give us all an amazing amount of comfort. They loved each other and should be together. I'm starting to feel like I can move on in some respects that I haven't been able to move on in 13 years.

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