my friend's son committed suicide

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my friend's son committed suicide

Postby Karene » Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:28 pm

I know that I am not as personally affected as all of you because it didn't happen to someone I was close to, but the suicide of my friend's son-which happened almost a month ago-still has had a tremendous impact on me. I am still in shock and am so devastated for my friend. As far as I knew from her things were going well for him; he was in his second year at college and had a girlfriend and judging from the line at the memorial gathering he had a ton of friends. Every day I think about my friend and her husband-they had no other children-and how difficult it must be to get through every day and pray that they are doing ok and coping. Aside from the memorial service where I told her how sorry I was I have not had the opportunity to talk to her except to send a card and emphasize that I would always be available whenever she needed someone to talk to. I did not find out from her that it was suicide-I had assumed it was a car accident and asked one of the visitors at the gathering to confirm-and naturally have not brought up the subject to her either. We usually email each other frequently and get together for dinner every few months. My question is, now that a few weeks have gone by since I sent the card, how should I approach her? Should I email like usual to see how she is doing and also at the same time see if she wants to get together? And when we get together should I let her take the wheel as far as talking about him? I was just assuming she would want to but maybe she has other family to talk to about him and might just want to get out and away from the pain, which I am sure is extremely hard to do under the circumstances? I just don't know what to do.
Karene
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Re: my friend's son committed suicide

Postby cali » Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:09 am

Hi Karene, I have only just read your post. I lost my only son 7 years ago. Please do reach out to your friend. Sometimes in grief it is very hard to reach out, even when you desperately need the companionship of a friend. Now that some time has passed, some of the attention of other family members and friends may have waned a bit. This grief is long and hard going. I would encourage you to keep reaching out even if you don't get a response at first. I can't tell you how many people told me to call them, when I was incapable of picking up a telephone. And yes let her take the wheel about talking, but let her know it's ok. Thank you for reaching out here, and sorry for the delay in responding.
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Re: my friend's son committed suicide

Postby Blossom » Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:10 am

A thousand baulking scenarios prevent the awful, terrible pain, of sharing grief. There are no guide books to this loss within relationships. Please try. You are allowed to embark on new territory. It's like walking naked ie. I am walking naked towards something that does not see my nakedness, and yet, I feel naked. Cali has wise words. Like Cali,I am 7 years down the track (although it felt like a heavy and dark path some years ago). Blessings xxx
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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