Husbands suicide

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Husbands suicide

Postby Oks13 » Tue Sep 19, 2017 9:20 am

Hi there
I am Oksana, originally Ukrainian, but live in Uk since 1995
I got married 1996 to Andre and had 2 lovely girls from this marriage
11 December 2016 my husband committed suicide by hanging in our family home In Ukraine, just before girls was going to arrived for a Christmas holidays. We was going through a rough time in our marriage mainly because of his depression and alcohol addiction and was talking about separation, divorce settlement around a year, but he was always putting it off saying he is going to change and this time I believed him. He just like that stopped drinking and we got tickets to go to Ukraine for Christmas. We arrived on a 3 of December. Everything was going fine, then on a Friday evening he just changed, become abusive, argumentive. I put it all that he is just stragglers with a desire to drink. Saturday morning he was normal again asking if I would like a coffee or can he hug me. Still don't know why, but I refused both knowing that I should of hugged him as I always did before. Sunday morning I went to cemetery with my sisters to my mothers grave, as she just passed away in may. On the way back home tried to ring Andrey 3 times, no answer. When I arrived, opened the door, start calling him, saying that I am back. The music was playing in our bedroom and as I was walking on the 3 floor I was talking to him that we will go to see the specialist and ask for antidepressants. We don't have a door in a bedroom, it's the last floor in the house and all open plan, so as I passed the second floor what I sow still in my had. He was hanging on one of our wooden beams. I don't want to describe what I felt. I am very uneasy even now writing about it. He left a note for me basically saying that's the only way he could give me freedom.
I still feeling very guilty that I didn't do enough to help, that I didn't had that coffee and a hug. Still have dreams that I am cutting him down and doing recitation
It was a shock for girls to. I was there for them, as my psychologyst said they had to see the strong me. They went through the all grieving stages and seams doing well now. Very proud of them.
I was doing ok, trying to rebuild my life, but it seams like Andrey is still on a way of it. I cannot meet any man, never mind starting a relationship.
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