G.f.s.

If the person you remember was born or died during the present month, we invite you to place a name here so that others will be able to read the names and remember them with you. Also include the birth and death date, your name, your relationship to them, and a few words telling us about this person.

G.f.s.

Postby Smitty1131 » Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:54 pm

It's hard to believe that 2 years ago yesterday at this time I was in bed trying to wrap my head around what you had done. Honestly some days I wish you were here just to punch you. I withold alot of my anger. And youve hurt me probally the most anyone could have. I understand you never intended that. But that's what your actions did. Ive been to the lowest points. And back to the highest these past 2 years. Ive tried to gain an understanding as to why you did what you did. And the conclusion that I came to is everything hit you at once. And you felt like things were unrepairable. Even though that wasnt the case. Yeah I would have given you a peice of my mind. But that's come to expect when you dissipear on your kids. The only reason I'm angry with you now. Is because you didn't try. You stopped believing in yourself and you stopped believing you were loved. You felt alone. And for those feelings you're now missed every single day. I wish I would have reached out to you. Or tried. There's things I could have and should have done too. In ways we were both in the wrong. And I'm sorry for my part.
I love you dad. I'm sorry that you felt the way you did. I will always miss you. And carry you with me every day.
Smitty1131
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Youar Dad G.f.s.

Postby Karyl » Sun Dec 06, 2015 10:41 am

Dear Smitty,

I read your note to your dad. My heart goes out to you.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote that even though you understand that your dad did not intend to hurt you, he did. This is a harsh reality for some of us after a suicide death, acknowledging that hurt and also acknowledging intention.

You wrote that you do not believe that your dad tried. Is it possible that he tried the best he was capable of trying, that maybe the depression took him hostage and he actually could not see beyond the pain he was in to find other options, even though they may have existed?

I believe that one of the most difficult deaths to deal with is the suicide death of a mother or father. We expect more from them, and it can leave us feeling abandoned and rejected, so it's no wonder that anger flares up.

Do you have any good memories of your dad at all?
Karyl
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