March 19th

[crisa]

So one of the days I dread every year has arrived again! Today makes 8 yrs since my high school sweetheart, who I had my two oldest children w/ after high school, commited suicide. We had been apart for 11 yrs when he suicided.
I'll never forget that day 8 yrs ago when I got that call! I called my dad and said, "I need you to come to the house." No hello, just I need you to come to the house! He, of course responded with, "What's wrong?" I said, "Well, I just got a phone call, M commited suicide this morning and I have to tell the kids after school." My son was actually at home sick, in the shower when the phone calls were happening. I picked up my daughter from school and we were almost home and she said, "Mom what's wrong?" I told her we'd talk when we got to the house.
I wanted to be anywhere but sitting in the middle of my livingroom telling my kids the worst thing they ever were told in their entire life. But I was their Mom, I had to be the one to tell them.
My son wanted to be alone, my daughter wanted to be with her friends, there was a dance at the school that night and she insisted on going. I don't know who in my family I called first, I think my little brother that I raised? I do know at some point I called my bio mom and said, "I know you're gonna here it from someone else in the family and I told her. She being the ever so dependable, loving mom, NOTTTTTT, said, "OMG, Did you and him get in a fight the last time y'all talked, tell me y'all didn't?" I'm like, "You have got to be flipping kidding me, you're blaming me somehow?"
My daughter is almost 21 now and my son is almost 20 now. My daughter and her bf of 1 1/2 yrs just broke up a week ago and she is devastaded and hurt. She comes to my room crying, talking about her and ex and what today is, and we're both crying! I've had my share of horrible days in my life, but that was the worst day of my life, being that it was the worst day of my kids life!
Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get that out!

[Bereaved1]

Crisa, you are amazing. What an incarnation you are having! I'll tell you what I'm into these days - http://www.hayhouseradio.com for free. They do shameless self-promotion, but, have some interesting talks about the reasons for all of this suffering and lots of other side speculation from some pretty gifted sounding people. Anyway, that's an idea for you on this hard day. You give us courage and hope. Thank you. xo

[crisa]

Thanks Sweetie! Thanks for the link, I'll check it out later! We'll get through today, I just wish it was a day every year we got to skip, but it just doesn't work that way, as we all know.