No more rose colored glasses

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No more rose colored glasses

Postby randosmom » Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:39 pm

I take back an earlier post saying I wasn't going to give in to the hate.

I hate that my son is gone. I hate that my Mom thinks her grandson isn't calling her because she's old. I hate lying to my own Mom.

I hate diabetes. I hate old age. What's a girl to do when the love of her life has both? The world is taking him away from me one part at a time.

It’s time to ditch the nostalgic past that I once saw through my rose colored glasses; they’re broken. Gotta search through the old trunk & find my PURPLE John Lennon’s. They’ll make me see clearly again. What was I thinkin’ taking them off in the first place?
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Re: No more rose colored glasses

Postby Blossom » Sat Jul 14, 2012 5:19 pm

I'm so sorry....the feelings of each day are real. My husband said to me once (and he is a quiet man of few words), "You can't help the colour of your day'. I have found that the colours do change just a little everyday....some are worse and some are better. Sometimes my 'situation' change slowly and sometimes fast and then it is at the mercy of my perception as well. It's really hard - my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear boy. I am sorry that we all have to live this loss. I hear that your love goes out, out, out to those you love....but they (your son and mother) are not in a position to pour some back into you. It is too hard to live that one way street. I pray that some love finds its way to you and that it brings you comfort. You are very special.
Blossom x

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Re: No more rose colored glasses

Postby randosmom » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:53 am

Thank you,

I'm so glad I've got this outlet to vent. Otherwise, I might explode. Anxiety plays havoc with my insides. I know my family & friends love me, but they have their own burdens.

Hopefully, my hubby is coming home from the hospital today, so the sun will shine a little brighter in my corner of the world. It will be good to have him to take care of & keep the noises in my head at bay.

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Re: No more rose colored glasses

Postby Blossom » Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:39 pm

Take care.
Blossom x

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Re: No more rose colored glasses

Postby kansley » Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:28 pm

Dear Randosmom......I am sorry for your loss and the difficulty of your situation. As I read your post I saw glimpses of my own life and completely understand your feelings. I, too, lost my son to suicide. It has been four years and some days the pain still causes a physical ache in my heart. Other days, I just have to make the decision not to think about it for a while in order to get done what must be done. My husband had a very acute case of encephalitas eight years ago. He spent a year in the hospital and suffered a trumatic brain injury, a spinal cord injury and a seizure disorder. He is unable to walk and continues to suffers from severe memory loss and seizures. I find life bettersweet and try very hard to focus on the sweet and not the bitter. I am thankful for all the years I had with my precious son and thankful for every day I have with the love of my life. The encephalitas rewired his brain in such a way that we rarely sleep more than a couple of hours. As a result nights are very long and days are often a challenge just to do the basics. I am thankful that my husband shares my faith and that our love has been sustained thru all the storms of this life. My son would always tell me..."Mom, God is good, all the time" and I belive that He truly is.....I pray that your days will be filled with peace and love.

Jason's Mom......Kathie
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