New relationships and addressing this?

A discussion of any suicide issue or grief topic that don't fit elsewhere.

New relationships and addressing this?

Postby Moun10dew » Mon Apr 08, 2013 5:27 am

OK....first off I'm not even close to wanting to put anyone through my emotional mix right now...but since I must move forward I'm going to assume that someone will want to love me again someday. I'm just wondering for those that have moved into a new relationship how do you address the topic of your sig other (be it spouse or bf/gf) committing suicide? Do you bring it up...do they? How did you handle it? Are they supportive and understanding? Do you not allow it to even be brought up?

Sorry...I'm just all over the place with questions on the board. Just figure since we are in the same club I might be able to get some light shed on the journey ahead of me.
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Re: New relationships and addressing this?

Postby Blossom » Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:11 pm

As much as our loved one's suicide occupies our minds day and night, survival compels us to try to 'see' ourselves again. It certainly questions who we are, now that we are not who we were. And that includes projecting into the future and trying to see ourselves in it...trying to get a grip, as it were. I haven't got an answer to your question - I lost a son, not a partner. I imagine that by now (a few days since you posted), this question has been overtaken by a million others. All I can say to you, is that it's not a heartless question, it is a survival question. You will survive, promise. I don't have the answer, but asking outloud sometimes helps the answer to bubble up within you. Keep going, mountaindew, that's how you get there - keep going, just keep going.
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: New relationships and addressing this?

Postby Moun10dew » Sun Apr 14, 2013 5:55 pm

Thanks. Yeah I'm coming up with new questions all the time. I guess some are based on fear. Mostly irrational fears that if I ever have another relationship that nullifies the one I had with Kristin. I even had a friend tell me "you will find someone to replace Kristin. She wants that...she wants you to move on. It will take a long time but it will happen."

Thing is I don't want to "replace her". It's not like getting dumped where you can easily go "there's plenty of fish I'm the sea. You'll find someone better."

I go work out at the health club and get out amongst friends and
people. However I am now finding my walls coming up at the mention of this (although if I bring it up its fine). I snapped last week when I was told by a woman I know what I need to change about me to get women to notice me. I said Kristin loved me as I am. If anyone else has a problem with me being me...that's their problem not mine. Got into my car and left the place I was at.
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Re: New relationships and addressing this?

Postby crisa » Sat Apr 27, 2013 7:32 am

Hi Dear, first I'm very sorry for your loss! My bf suicided 4 yrs ago next month. I have only dated one person, 18 mos afterwards! He was a friend of 7 yrs at that point and knew what I had been through with the bf suiciding and past relationships. That has been over 2 yrs now. I lost all respect for him as a long time friend, in hindsight. I don't know what to tell you about dating someone in the future, because I kinda had that security blanket, in that the one and only person I dated, knew. That being said, not dating since doesn't have, everything to do with him, nor the bf whom suicided, for me personally, I needed to take a time out for me, be amazingly good with myself and quit settling for less! I am very at peace with myself, my strength, and all I've managed to get through! In the future, if a guy comes along that I have interest in, things will happen slowly! I mentor survivors of suicide so therefore I'm obvioulsy gonna have to bring it up. But when I think about that future situation, I think, what I say about it (the bf suiciding), will be on my terms and my time (re: details)! If someone dare says anything cruel re: my bf's suicide, later down the road, they will instantly be out of my life!
Honestly, I don't think anyone wants to hear immediately that someone's ex passed in such a tragic way! (Imagine being in the other person's shoes hearing that right off the bat!) That being said I know as a survivor it is a big time reason who you are today and I also know ppl who are interested, sooner than later, will bring up their past relationships. My recommendation, would be "My ex was (say something positive), but I don't want to get into all of that! You'll know when you feel ready, you're gaurd will let you know!
To say "I'm going to assume that someone will love me again oneday," That's very, amazingly, special and positive! And, yes, someone will!
Blossom, you're post was great, honey!
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Re: New relationships and addressing this?

Postby mydnyghtamethyst » Sun Sep 21, 2014 5:52 am

This is an old topic, but I wanted to touch on this. I started seeing someone about a year and a half after my boyfriend's suicide. About 2 months into it, he started telling me he was in love with me and I just kind of spazed out in that I would cry and stuff like that. I explained the situation to him and he seemed understand enough at first. Yet as time went on he made it apparent that he was jealous didn't think he was as good as my first, even though I tried not to talk about him a lot or anything in front of him. It wasn't that. We were just not right for each other. I actually got pregnant a couple weeks after we started dating and we both pretty much know that's the main reason we stayed around. We were just polar opposites. It got to the point where we were just fighting and arguing everyday. I remember once we were in the Walmart parking lot and I can't remember what he said to me, but the gist of it was "You are so annoying. No wonder your ex committed suicide." I'm not going to lie, (and no this is in no way justified but) I punch him square in the face! Of course I don't recommend that. But we are over now and I'm single again.

I still thought of my Ash every day of our relationship, but like I said we just weren't right. I think he was there to give me my beautiful son, who I live for now and to open me up again to someone who is more suited to me.
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