Lyn, I'm sorry that your kids have withdrawn. I am sure that your chickens will come home to roost. It is not forever and even they might not consciously know why...for now. My heart goes out to you. When I visited an elderly aunt recently after a very long time, she said that she knew I had to retreat, go in. Honestly, her words were so wise - she knew. But that is an elderly aunt, not my children, so a poor comparison. Just letting you know that retreat is also normal, to a point.
That you are so understanding and look so kindly on your children, even in their painful absence will, I'm sure, be the kindness they seek. I am sorry for this loneliness now.
If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Lyn, I am so sorry about the loss of connection with your children. I can feel how that would add to your isolation and pain. I don't know if this will help or not- it been my experience that people's behaviours are generally a reflection of their own feelings, and not a reflection of how they feel about others.
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
People have always confided in me, too, but the sorts of things they confide now has changed. I thought this might have to do with my candor after Dave's death. My way of dealing with his suicide was to be totally open. Sometimes that candor was too much for others (I could literally see them shrinking away from me, but it opened many doors for conversation. And many confessions of thoughts that were scary or uncomfortable. Apparently many people have these, not just me. So, yes, a lot of people unloaded. But it was mutual.
Lyn, I am sorry your children are not in closer contact with you. I, too, am really disturbed by the effect of Dave's suicide on our young adult daughters. They both struggle with thoughts of why they were not good enough or lovable enough to make their father want to live. There was a lot of love between Dave and both of them and they don't understand why that was not enough. I struggle with these thoughts for myself and cannot imagine what they are like in our children. It has been almost 6 years for us and there have been long periods of time when one or another or both pulled back and away. It is painful. I hurt for them even more than I hurt for me.
Read our story
http://books.google.com/books?id=4zThE8 ... A7o6s-fPpU