Today I am LIVING because I...

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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby insearchofpeace » Sat Aug 04, 2012 12:24 pm

: -) Knowing I made you giggle this morning made mine a whole lot brighter cmarie...Thank you my friend...x
“Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim" ~Ovid
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Blossom » Sun Aug 12, 2012 7:18 pm

Today I am LIVING because...I looked long and hard at my son's shoes in the shoe rack at the front door and he is no longer represented in those shoes. They are going in the bin...they have been there for over 2 years. Today I am living because I am going through old no-name cds and dvds...many of them dusty and piled up here at the computer desk and as I 'play' them to see what is on them, I find a song and his essence is truly here with me. There is pain, but there is also what I can only describe as the biggest inner smile that keeps threatening to burst me open, a rejoicing...a big big smile that fills me up from the inside out, a true knowing of my son... and I want it to stay, but like everything on this journey, it moves and is only remarkable in contrast. And so, I find myself always at one end of the see saw or the other, but never the fulcrum...and I wouldn't have it any other way. There is no mediocrity in grief.
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby cali » Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:40 am

Find consonance.
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Blossom » Tue Aug 14, 2012 4:33 am

Hmm, yes, doesn't stay still though...yet I cannot deny it rings true....when it does ring.
Blossom x

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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby cmarie » Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:53 pm

Blossom, I think I had a similar moment the other day.
For the first time, I felt that Liam was with me, had always been with me, and would continue to be with me.
It was a sense, and a knowing all at the same time.
And it was fleeting.
But I know now, and that knowing will always be with me on the rest of this journey.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Blossom » Fri Aug 17, 2012 7:42 pm

Nodding and smiling with pleasure for you.
Blossom x

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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Blossom » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:34 pm

Today I am living because....
a) I decided to.
b) I took my son to the city for Christmas shopping and chose every fun option for that outing (and managed to do the shopping as well). This year, we are actually having a Christmas what a bloody relief!
c) I have had a sustained period of feeling like a perfectly synchronised being - I like this, I really really like this.
d) I have discovered that my son reflects my state of being.
e) It's very hot and I am buying a treat, mangoes, for my work lunch.
f) I have found a mentor to help with an art project.
g) I have written away for some course information, with an eye to the future.
h) I looked into the eyes of my sister and saw her mortality and knew that I big enough to be her companion on this journey.
i) My boy is safe.

Today I am living because, despite the odds (big odds here folks), I am alive, I have a life and I am living it when I can.
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Beloved1 » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:49 pm

I am LIVING because searching for ways to overcome my grief, I read your Post 2 minutes ago, Blossom. Thank you for reminding me of joy.
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby crisa » Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:36 pm

Blossom- Two things, A. Thank You for bringing this wonderful thread back up! B. I love you! Yep, I don't know you but I love you! Because you do many times even in other threads that you post in, put in something uplifting! I'm happy that this year y'all are having a Christmas! May it be every bit as Merry as possible! You deserve it to be! From now on everytime I see a mango or think of a mango, you are gonna come to mind and with the thought of you, will come a smile! I see me in future shopping trips at the store buying a mango. Nobody around me will know the meaning behind it, simply put, it makes my heart smile! Your post was wonderful and I am very, very proud of you for how far you have come, how far you continue to work towards!
Beloved1- Sweetheart, there is Joy! But mostly there is Joy, in everything that brings you Joy! Even if it seems like it's a small thing, a small moment! The most Joyous moments are sometimes, and many times, the things that seem small! Go buy yourself a Mango! :D Or better yet, Mango Ice Cream! :lol: Even if you don't like Mango Ice Cream write Joy with a marker on it and let it sit in the freezer! Everytime you open that freezer and see the words Joy on that box, how can you not feel Joy (I mean afterall it will remind you of Blossom and I)! J.O.Y.= Joy-Onto-You!
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Re: Today I am LIVING because I...

Postby Blossom » Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:26 pm

Joy is only felt momentarily. If it was prolonged, it wouldn't be called joy. All the same, I am grateful for your two sets of joy antannae! Crisa - two years ago, I got through my first Christmas....just. You had told me about a traditional recipe (with lots of seafood in it) and I chased up a recipe and cooked it for Christmas lunch. That was one small moment of reclaiming some kind of 'space' that day. I will never forget it - thank you.

I'm going to the beach over Christmas - I love the beach. Something has happened to me over the last ten years or so...I got all thingy about leaping into the water....doing the old inch by inch immersion like an old lady. It became a joke in our family. Out of nowhere the other day, and without actually being able to put it to the test right now, I suddenly knew that I am that old me who runs into the water and dives under the first wave encountered. And THAT was a moment of joy.

Beloved1 - I dearly hope the equivalent finds you - it will.
Blossom x

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