I picked memories

Share special memories of the person that you remember.

I picked memories

Postby 01012011 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 6:22 pm

So...Tuesday is my 60th birthday. My sister flew in from Seattle to surprise me...never have been close to her but so happy she is here. I want so much to express my caring and love for her, but she is not like me...All I could see was an empty spot on the couch today that Christopher would have filled. Two years and two months and I am still no better...well a little...I don't sob every day anymore..not out loud...just inside. Each cloud that I look at...each star...each blue sky...each oldie but goodie song...ALMOST EACH BREATH.....guilt...sorrow....pain.....love...missing his voice...no one missing him like me.....he knows that....I loved him with all that I am....he would be 58...nothing is normal and will never be normal. I try each moment to live. So much has been shared with many others that have lost loved ones..nice to know they understand and feel the pain and emptiness I feel...you all feel. I need the guilt to go away..I could have-should have..and didn't..Not anyone of you can change that...nothing anyone can say.....just wish I knew what I know now...my mother said today NOT to talk about Chris..OK.I won't...Don't think my sister will...they didn't get along...he was nothing but a drunk to her...I need you all tonight .....need you all to know my emptiness and pain...and that there is no one to talk to...no one. I love you Christopher Arthur....always and forever....wish you were here...Pink Floyd-played it at your memorial service. I feel as if I end this discertation I end him and my feelings..want them to go on forever.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. Sister of Christopher Arthur
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Re: I picked memories

Postby Blossom » Sun Mar 17, 2013 1:39 am

I have heard you. I'm sorry that you are unable to speak of your dear brother with your sister and have to pick your way through this. Family stuff can be so hard. I still crave to hear my son's name from my family's lips. Christopher was and is, lucky to have you. And he has a lovely name.
Blossom x

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