I know the details are probably an overwhelm right now. This part falls into the " be careful what you wish for category" but will shift into the questions column to check off. You don't have to wonder now. No pain, no gain. So you gained something but also inherited its painful truths.
The overwhelming need to know - something, anything, is powerful. Even when the answers are hard to take something is satisfied. Even I, as an eyewitness, had a need to know, confirm. I could not believe my own eyes so I can't imagine the questions for those who have nothing first hand. It must be excrutiating. I'm glad you got answers and hope the shocking pain in that knowledge will subside quickly.
You know, there's no shame in showing your 'weakness', shedding the strong label in the presence of others. It's not wrong or unhealthy for any of you- if you do that. Even in weakness there is strength. hugs
My First born, Scott, 6/11/2007 http://www.myspace.com/scottchristiancoffey/photos
The journeyhttp://www.topix.com/forum/city/wapakon ... NR688Q4LV8
Kenny 9/10/61 - 08/24/10
This topic in particular caught my eye especially cause he too died of hanging. alot of the comments did bring some comfort, and for a long time I did dwell on how and what it was my dad had to go through, did he change his mind at any point, did it hurt, was he thinking of me? All i know is that im now 30 and I still need my dad. He was my best friend and a dad rolled into one - and he is very sadly missed.
it helps to share and read others experiences, it is an aweful ordeal to deal with - one which changes your life forever. Somone noted that there was a version of them both before and after - i so get that, I have felt tarnished ever since, a distinctive change all about me. I wish i could go back to a happier time
Can somene please PM me the link to the info. many thanks
I am sorry that you lost your dad. It was hard enough losing my brother it has to be even harder losing a parent this way. Birthdays are a hard time. My brother and I always celebrated our birthdays together since they were only six days apart. I found it harder on my birthday without him then on his birthday without him...not sure why that was. Recently, a friend on her celebrated her brother's birthday by gathering with other family and friends at the beach where they released balloons with messages to her brother written on them. I think I might do that on my brother's next birthday. I hope the day is easier for you than you anticipate. Sometimes it is. I so "get" that feeling of a before and after change. Being a survivor has changed us...forever. We will never be the innocent and unknowing person we were before suicide happened to us and no one else really understands unless they are a survivor too. To get a copy of the link it has to be sent to your email address. Just PM the author of this thread and she will be glad to send it to you. I would send it to you but I'm not sure where I put it. Sending you cyberhugs to help you get through this.
Kenny 9/10/61 - 08/24/10