understanding death by hanging

How does grief make you feel? Angy? Sad? Lonely? Afraid? Worried? Tired? Empty?

Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby medebs » Wed Apr 13, 2011 6:07 pm

I have the belt. I heard all of the details as to how she found him--swollen tongue, wet pants...cold to the touch. He was beyond saving. I am not coping with all of this, but I have to be strong for my family. I could scream but I just decided to get into the shower and cry...cathartic (sp?)....Why did God make me the one in the family that takes care of everyone...so much pain and I keep it to myself. I can't imagine how my mom feels...be strong for her. Be strong for my brother's children...be strong for everyone, but I am not as strong as they think I am. Oh well...crying is good. It helps relieve some of the pain. Death by hanging-yup-that is how he died. Why-yup-I know-but none of this makes any sense or helps me deal with my grief on losing my only brother. God bless .
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby ScottsMom » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:21 pm

medebs

I know the details are probably an overwhelm right now. This part falls into the " be careful what you wish for category" but will shift into the questions column to check off. You don't have to wonder now. No pain, no gain. So you gained something but also inherited its painful truths.

The overwhelming need to know - something, anything, is powerful. Even when the answers are hard to take something is satisfied. Even I, as an eyewitness, had a need to know, confirm. I could not believe my own eyes so I can't imagine the questions for those who have nothing first hand. It must be excrutiating. I'm glad you got answers and hope the shocking pain in that knowledge will subside quickly.

You know, there's no shame in showing your 'weakness', shedding the strong label in the presence of others. It's not wrong or unhealthy for any of you- if you do that. Even in weakness there is strength. hugs

V--
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby tamh1234 » Thu Apr 21, 2011 9:59 pm

At first I would think that maybe my brother had second thoughts at the last minute but was unable to stop what was happening. But then I found out that his feet were touching the floor and bent so if he had changed his mind all he had to do was stand up. The fact that he didn't stand up to stop it just made it harder for me and left me feeling a mixture of emotions including anger at him. I also wondered if he had suffered a lot at the end. All of this really tore me up emotionally. Now, after reading this posting and the forensic articles that the information was taken from, I now know that my brother didn't even have time to change his mind and not enough time to stand up since he would have lost consciousness within 8-13 seconds. The fact that he didn't suffer and that he couldn't change his mind has brought me some peace. It has been 8 months since my brother, Kenny, died. There are days when I think about how I would like to go be there with him and my parents. It is at those times I kind of understand a little of what he must have been feeling. As someone else wrote, I am the one in the family who has to be the strong one for my remaining siblings, my sister-in-law, and my brother's kids. I will travel 1500 miles this June to attend the wedding of his oldest son because Kenny won't be there. I feel like I need to be there for his family because Kenny can't. As far as crying....my car because when I am alone in my car then I can stop being strong for everyone else and let go. There is no one there that I have to take care of except me. And, as someone else said, everyone else have gotten busy going on with their lives and think that I should have by now, too. So, I keep it all inside only letting it out when I am alone in my car. I am glad we have each other on here where we don't have to explain, be strong, or be made to feel like there is something wrong with us because we are still grieving when others have moved on with their lives .....or left us.

Theresa
I love you, little brother, and miss you more than words could ever say.
Kenny 9/10/61 - 08/24/10
Theresa
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby vbpupil » Wed May 11, 2011 5:33 pm

hey guys, have just been reading through your posts. My dad took his life a little over a year and a half ago now, time since then has been really tough. The past few months I have been able to block it out to some degree and not let myself think about it quite so much, but I still think of him every day. His birthday is in 8 days which has stirred alot of feeling up in me which has brought me back to this site.

This topic in particular caught my eye especially cause he too died of hanging. alot of the comments did bring some comfort, and for a long time I did dwell on how and what it was my dad had to go through, did he change his mind at any point, did it hurt, was he thinking of me? All i know is that im now 30 and I still need my dad. He was my best friend and a dad rolled into one - and he is very sadly missed.

it helps to share and read others experiences, it is an aweful ordeal to deal with - one which changes your life forever. Somone noted that there was a version of them both before and after - i so get that, I have felt tarnished ever since, a distinctive change all about me. I wish i could go back to a happier time :(

Can somene please PM me the link to the info. many thanks

x
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby tamh1234 » Fri May 13, 2011 10:19 pm

vbpupil,
I am sorry that you lost your dad. It was hard enough losing my brother it has to be even harder losing a parent this way. Birthdays are a hard time. My brother and I always celebrated our birthdays together since they were only six days apart. I found it harder on my birthday without him then on his birthday without him...not sure why that was. Recently, a friend on her celebrated her brother's birthday by gathering with other family and friends at the beach where they released balloons with messages to her brother written on them. I think I might do that on my brother's next birthday. I hope the day is easier for you than you anticipate. Sometimes it is. I so "get" that feeling of a before and after change. Being a survivor has changed us...forever. We will never be the innocent and unknowing person we were before suicide happened to us and no one else really understands unless they are a survivor too. To get a copy of the link it has to be sent to your email address. Just PM the author of this thread and she will be glad to send it to you. I would send it to you but I'm not sure where I put it. Sending you cyberhugs to help you get through this.
I love you, little brother, and miss you more than words could ever say.
Kenny 9/10/61 - 08/24/10
Theresa
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby icantdothis » Sun May 29, 2011 6:31 pm

Thank you.
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby brookechicken » Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:51 pm

I too, thank you for the post. My husband died by hanging on 9.23.2010. I looked (and still look) to find out if he felt any pain. Did he suffer? The coroner told me he passed out within in seconds, but I didn't believe. So thank you, very much.
Jeremie...9.23.2010...However far away, I will always love you
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby angelwings » Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:25 pm

So sorry for your loss of your mother. I lost my daughter Jessica aged 28 on 26th April 2011 so I am still very raw. I found my daughter hanging from her bedroom door, she had been there a few hours, and although I screamed and screamed I do remember seeing her face and she looked quite peaceful. I too have looked for explanations on hanging and wondered how long she had suffered even though her face did look peaceful. I am so pleased you posted your letter as it has given me some comfort. I still have to wait for the inquest and the coroner's report.
Janet x
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby tamraaaxoxo » Wed Jun 15, 2011 6:03 pm

thank you for this post. i lost my stepfather about 7 months ago to hanging. and always think wither or not if he suffered. this brings me a sense of peace. and i am truely so sorry for your loss.
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Re: understanding death by hanging

Postby destriesmom » Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:28 pm

Thank you for the information on death by hanging. I hope my daughter didn't suffer for a long time. I see her hanging everyday, and it helps thinking she was out of pain quickly.
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