Trying to help, only to hurt

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Trying to help, only to hurt

Postby ktfahel » Fri Sep 27, 2013 9:28 am

This seems like the perfect place for me to get something off my chest that I've been carrying for 19 years.

At my younger brother's wake, a friend of mine walked up to my mother and said, "It's ok; I KNOW it was an accident." That made me angrier than I think I had ever been! There was no way that it was an accident. My family had been pretty open about what happened to my brother. While we didn't exactly put it in the obituary (my father chose "short illness", to which I replied, "no, it was a very long and painful illness"), we didn't sweep it under the rug. If someone asked what happened, we would say so (only giving details if someone were so rude to ask). The friend KNEW what happened. To say that to my grieving mother who was brave enough not to fall into denial was almost more than I could take. Even after all of this time, I still get a little hot under the collar when thinking about it.
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Re: Trying to help, only to hurt

Postby Berna » Thu Apr 03, 2014 8:56 am

I think it,s hard for some people to say the word suicide, don,t let yourself harbor anger, it only festers. My son died August 2013, I remember to this day, and my family still believes it to be true, that my son,s death was an accident or someone did it. There was an autopsy which stated no foul play, but they still believe there was...maybe that makes them feel better. I sometimes depending who I'm speaking to, will say accident ( I don,t feel like saying suicide), sometimes if the person seems to have compassion, I will tell the truth. There are also times that people may ask how many children I have, I will say 3, and never mention that one of my children is dead, never mind he died by suicide. You have to let things like that slide off of you and anyone else who confronts this problem ( because you may), you just can,t control what other people say, you can only control yourself. I wish you much peace and hoping you have found forgiveness for your brother and all people, the only person who can judge is God, and your brother is with God now and in peace.
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