This Is So Hard

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This Is So Hard

Postby cherish » Tue Sep 10, 2013 1:19 pm

My son took his life on my daughter's birthday. The four year anniversary is coming up soon. We miss my son/her brother so much, but I would like her to have a happy birthday. Her birthdays are never happy now. All she does is mourn the loss of a wonderful, much loved brother. Don't get me wrong, I miss him everyday of my life. I just wish she could be happy on her special day, because she is such a sweet daughter.
I wasn't going to write this, but it has been on my mind so much lately. Maybe by writing I will stop thinking about it all the time.
cherish
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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby psyquestor » Tue Sep 10, 2013 7:20 pm

((((Cherish))))) I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you both. Have you tried celebrating her Birthday on a different day? This was all I could think of, but yes, it will always be such a bittersweet day for you both.

My Son's Birthday is three days after the anniversary of his death. We try our best to celebrate his birthday, although the pain is sharp, especially at that time of year. Last year we made his favorite cookies (he didn't care for cake) and sent up balloons in memory of him. I place little turtle figurines on his grave, for his birthday. (he liked turtles) It helps to have some sort of ritual to remember the day. I hope you both are able to find some comforting rituals that help you get through the pain.

I believe there are some ideas in a thread in "coping" if you feel that would be helpful to you.

My deepest sympathy cherish. I know the pain.
Tammy
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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby Blossom » Wed Sep 11, 2013 3:21 pm

I am sorry for the loss of your son. My son died two days before his birthday....we haven't ever been able to acknowledge his birthday. This may come (psyquestor). The difficult things we face...the birthday/anniversary is something that won't go away. Grieving is hard and it is a real challenge (poor word) to work out ways through. Have you shared your thoughts with your daughter? Something might come of this that neither of you expect. We've made all sorts of weird adjustments to traditional holidays etc. just to accommodate 'celebration' when we are up to it. Maybe in some way, these hard yards of grief, of obscured birthdays, will yield fruit in time to come. I guess that what speaks to me is the love for your daughter - she must feel that it is safe to grieve in the nest of love you have made for her. Take care.
Blossom x

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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby cherish » Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:44 am

Hi: Thank you so much, Tammy, and Blossom, for writing back to me. I do feel better, after having written the post. It will always be a bittersweet birthday for my daughter. I guess the important thing is, she knows her beloved brother did not plan to take his life on her special day. It just happened that way. In years past I bought a rose for her, and one for him. (he liked red roses) After the rest of the family left I took his rose to the cemetery. Maybe do something different this year.
Peace to you,
Nancy
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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby cherish » Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:47 am

We did do something different this year.....We buried my beloved father-in-law. :(
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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby Blossom » Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:02 pm

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Take care.
Blossom x

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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby LaurenG » Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:40 am

I really hope it gets easier for your daughter and you. I can not imagine losing my brother.
The rose Idea is a good idea, maybe press them all and keep them in a photo album. You could get her a plastic one and a real one to symbolize that his spirit will never die, and is always with her.. or maybe put an extra candle in the cake and light it in his memory?
I hope you both heal, she's really lucky to have a mom like you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Re: This Is So Hard

Postby cherish » Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:40 pm

Thank you for responding to my post Lauren. I, also, am sorry for your loss.
You sound like a wonderful, caring woman, and I wish you peace.
((Huge Hug))
Nancy
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