How to Forgive and Forget?

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How to Forgive and Forget?

Postby Moun10dew » Sat Apr 06, 2013 6:19 pm

OK...all my anger in my girlfriend's suicide is pointed in one direction. Her husband. As I mentioned in another post she found out he had been cheating on her so she moved in with her sister and brother in law. 5 months later we started dating and 6 months later she committed suicide. They finally got the ball rolling on the divorce the last few weeks of her life. In the time we were dating he sent me very nasty texts...came over to my apt complex and tried to find out where I lived. He lied to their daughter and made it look like it was all my girlfriend's fault for what happened. He would flood her with text messages and late one evening when there was a bad snowstorm and my little car couldn't get anywhere they got into a huge fight at their house and he busted up almost everything of hers. She called me crying and wanted me to come get her. I couldn't due to crappy car she ended up having her sister and brother in law come and get her. Up to the funeral I had not ever met the guy.

After the funeral we attempted to make peace. We don't have a desire to hurt each other...although when I went to the gym the other day I beat the hell out of a punching bag thinking about him and what he did.

How do I forgive and forget in relation to him. I honestly feel its a huge roadblock for me to get anywhere. I know Kristin wanted us to be friends at one time. I just honestly don't see it happening. Seeing all her friends and family support him as well is kind of tough. This includes the ones that know the full story and admitted to me they were pissed at him for what he did and thanked me for what I did to make her happy.

I'm lost on what to do. Any advice?
Moun10dew
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Re: How to Forgive and Forget?

Postby Karyl » Sat Apr 06, 2013 7:05 pm

MountainDew,

Do you really NEED for this man to be your friend? What's in it for him, to befriend you?
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Re: How to Forgive and Forget?

Postby Moun10dew » Sat Apr 06, 2013 7:20 pm

No.. I really don't. I kind of think that he wants to be friends as a way to kind of apologize for being a massive butt (and that's being polite). I guess a part of me is more worried that it might damage my friendship with her sister and brother in law. They have been good to me. I guess however if it does damage my friendships with her family and friends that is their choice to make. I chose me over him. That's where it ends for me.
Moun10dew
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Re: How to Forgive and Forget?

Postby Moun10dew » Sun Apr 07, 2013 7:33 am

OK....I removed him from my Facebook page. Felt like it was a start. Two minutes later I get a friend request from him and this:

Him: Why did you unfriend me Jason? Did something happen?

Me: No...I'm just having a real tough time moving on G. I mean real tough. I'm sure ur having ur issues too. It's nothing against you. I just think right now in my heart I need to cut this tie for a while.

Him: If that is truly how you feel about this I can accept that, but why can't two people who cared for Kristin stay friends on FB. If I have done something to upset you then I'm sorry, but I thought we were going to help each other thru this whole ordeal. Please know that I still want us to be friends and to cherish what each had with her. I still am planning on taking you fishing this summer!

Me: OK..I'll re add but I'm not guaranteeing it moving past Facebook. I'll see about the fishing trip. I know you want me to go. You've mentioned it a few times as since Kristin went and caught a big one you wanted me to. I'm having a hard enough time doing stuff she did with me. Doing it with her husband is going to be tougher. And I'm finding out what you went through with Kristin and when she was talking about me. Was at Kate and Bryan's and Bryan wanted me to play a game that you guys used to play when you and her went over to hang out. He mentioned it a number of times and like you said about getting tired of hearing about me...I'm not comfortable hearing about you guys. I really just want to focus on what I had with her. Not what you did. :(

Him: I understand, but thank you anyways.

I did readd him but I set my privacy so he sees nothing on my wall and I unfollowed him. He's just listed as a friend. It just seems there is more for him to gain than there is for me. I can't help him. I don't want his help. I hope he finds his peace and happiness. I hope he finds the woman he was looking for. Kristin even told me early on she wanted the same thing and that eventually the four of us could be friends. While I still hope he does find someone...he's going to need help raising a 13 year old girl, I don't want to be a part of it! Just like if someday I find someone who meets my new expectations I sure as hell don't want him to be a part of it. I understand they had a long history and a child.... I understand that I had 6 months. In my eyes those 6 months are more important to me than the 13+ years they had. I just want to remember what we had. Not what they had.
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