5 Months Down The Line

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

5 Months Down The Line

Postby blue92 » Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:25 am

On the 9th of January this month will be 5 months since my little sister and best friend took her own life and its beginning to get frightening. I also lost my dad to alcoholism nearly two months ago and now I fear for my mum who hasn't had the best of health and I'm worried what all this will do to her. The thought processes I have now are so different from a year ago, it sounds sick but I plan in my head how I'd cope if my mum went, she means the world to me, but it's all I think about along with thoughts of my sister, I don't really think about my dad, we had a funny relationship but at the end of the day he was still my dad and you only get one. I'm really frightened I'm gonna spiral out of control, reading some stories on here strangely make me feel safe and inspired but it makes me think of how I'll be in a few months without even living it. I have moments when I think come on Jamie you can cope you are doing it but then it will flash across my mind there is no way we can do this you won't be able to deal with the pain its so frustrating. I am suffering multiple grief and read up on cumulative grief and people suffering the same say all they look forward to is death, when I read this I had my first panic attack and started crying, I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my own life too and I'm still here
Sometimes I completely don't believe it and others I have an impending sense of doom. I have started a wrestling school which provides relief and an outlook but through the week all I concentrate on is surviving, I hope there is a way through this and if anyone has any coping tips please share I'll appreciate anything.
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