Christmas

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

Christmas

Postby Blossom » Sat Dec 20, 2014 5:11 am

Hi

It's been nearly five years since our son died. How hard was that first Christmas!
No advice helped me...it was pure survival. Still, I liked to read about other's ideas - it gave me hope in the lead-up.

On the second Christmas, I went for a walk - a long early morning walk by a river. I have observed this since then.

That's it. I wish I could say that there was some wonderful honouring worthy of awe, but no.

The walk is a nice way to 'feel' myself. Amidst the busy-ness of Christmas, as it has resumed in my life.

So, let's talk about coping over Christmas.

I'll get the ball rolling.

Today, I rang an old friend I haven't seen in over a year. He spoke of driving by but not stopping because the BOYS (plural) would probably be the only ones home.

Soooo, somebody inadvertently made reference to my TWO sons. Of course he was horrified and will never make that same mistake again regardless of my reassurance that it was quite lovely.

It seems such a small thing, but it is so powerful.

I hope that you feel safe and cared for in sharing any aspect of your grief as we approach Christmas.

Jan x
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Blossom
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Re: Christmas

Postby cmarie » Sat Dec 20, 2014 10:27 pm

Coping over Christmas. Good topic Blossom.

For a couple of years we have gone to the " compassionate friends" candlelight ing ceremony. It is beautiful, and provides the space to remember Liam. It is very emotional, and I am exhausted after. We missed the ceremony this year, but we are going to go to a lantern making and procession for winter solstice tomorrow. We will be doing it for Liam.

I never knew. I never,ever knew how hard holidays could be when someone you love is gone forever.

Blossom, I finally stopped calling my son - my older son.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
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Re: Christmas

Postby Blossom » Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:54 pm

Oh, that last line! (me too).

You got me thinking....I could say that I made that transition (a calm word for a very difficult thing) for a whole host of reasons. When I am mad at the world, my reason is because my son has been crammed into a space by the pressure of others. On another day, its because I want to keep him safe, not open to scrutiny. It's a very strange milestone and I think common to us all (at some point).

I guess that we at least have a choice. The inner lie would be impossible to live with in the case of an only child - I am not sure how people cope.

No Christmas carols on harp this year....too sad. And yet, I am learning 'The Parting Glass'.


Of all the money that e'er I had
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I've done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

A man may drink and not be drunk
A man may fight and not be slain
A man may court a pretty girl
And perhaps be welcomed back again
But since it has so ought to be
By a time to rise and a time to fall
Come fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all
Good night and joy be with you all


(Goodnight and joy, in whatever tiny portions make their way through your cloud of loss, be with you all).
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Blossom
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Re: Christmas

Postby AmbersFather » Tue Dec 08, 2015 4:16 pm

Our daughter took her own life on Nov 23rd. Three days before Thanksgiving. These past couple of weeks have been hell and I can't imagine how emotional we will be when Christmas gets here. Just thinking about it has me almost in tears.
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Re: Christmas

Postby cali » Tue Dec 08, 2015 5:59 pm

My heart goes out to you Amber's Father I wish you peace and comfort, though I know it may be a long time coming. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son 5 years ago, he was 24.
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Re: Christmas

Postby Blossom » Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:35 am

Amber'sfather, there really are no words to lessen the pain of your loss over Christmas. Just know that folk are here, listening. Take care, please.

(thank you cali, for listening and being here for others after all this time).
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Blossom
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