Stealing my joy

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

Stealing my joy

Postby Freedobandia » Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:58 pm

I grew up in messed up household full of alcohol abuse by both my mom and dad. My dad would drink, but we always we knew he loved us and was so much fun. My mom is a horrible, self-centered person and the meanest person to spend time with. Needless to say, holidays were always pretty rough.

My dad shot himself 2 years ago. This year, I am hosting my dad's entire family for Thanksgiving. I am so excited and have been planning the event for months. I have wanted to have a big, happy, family Thanksgiving my entire life. As Thanksgiving gets closer, my grief for my dad has intensified. I just want him here. I miss him. I just want to watch Longhorn football with him. Why did he leave us? I can finally have a normal Thanksgiving but I am so sad I can't breathe. To make matters worse, I invited my mom and she has been on a giant drinking bender. No doubt she causes a scene. As dumb as this sounds, I am so mad he left me alone to deal with my mom.

I try REALLY HARD to keep living but sometimes these events just steal your job. I try to be mad at my dad because its easier, but its not authentic. I'm not mad, I am heartbroken and alone.
Freedobandia
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Re: Stealing my joy

Postby rememberingrichard » Mon Nov 17, 2014 5:18 pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad the people we loss here plays such a huge roll on where we feel this person is missing it is very unfortunate timing that your dad couldn't be here for this or to help you along with your mother. I lost my boyfriend in September and not comparing my loss to yours ihowever it does seem so unbareable putting something together knowing our loves one won't be there physically I know the anger is a feeling that makes more sense to me but as you said its heart ache more than anger its only been a little over 2 months so far for me. You should and can be proud of yourself for putting something nice together for the loved ones you do have make your memories good to look back on and hopefully you can barenyour mom for the dinner your very strong and I hope to do something nice for Richards family in the future best wishes and lots of love
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Re: Stealing my joy

Postby Freedobandia » Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:07 pm

Oh my goodness, your reply is so sweet. I am so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. I hope the holidays are easy on you. My year of firsts was horrible...big hug to you.
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