helping to make sense - ring theory

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby Blossom » Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:18 am

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Blossom
Mentor
 
Posts: 1590
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby cmarie » Fri Nov 01, 2013 9:11 am

Brilliant and yet so simple, that even the thickest amongst us should get it.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
Supporting
 
Posts: 880
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:30 pm

Re: helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby cali » Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:42 pm

This is an excellent and much needed article! Thank you Blossom. Now if only I had the hutzpah to send it to the fools who….never mind.
cali
Supporting
 
Posts: 809
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby Blossom » Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:06 pm

Hi - cali, you caused me to cackle here at the computer!

I also got to thinking that there is an exception to the rule of the ring (being comfort IN, dump OUT), and it is here, where no matter how much time has passed since our own loss, there is a kind of unstated understanding/tolerance of being both comforter and dumper. We swap our hats as we need and this is accepted.

I have actually broken this rule in the last few months with someone and a 'wrong wrong wrong' feeling pulled me up pretty sharp.
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
Blossom
Mentor
 
Posts: 1590
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby surprisedinsurprise » Sat Jan 04, 2014 6:44 pm

This is actually quite brilliant.
I would say that time does change the dynamic,Blossom, but that's because the crisis is over after time.
If the person, for example, in the center ring is still going through chemo, even if it's 6 months later, then they are still in the center ring, and the rules still apply.

One exception may be to share pain. What I mean is that while I'm going through this, sometimes someone sharing their own pain and reaching out to me for comfort helps me. So maybe that's what you are also saying, Blossom, sometimes you swap hats, sometimes you are the comforter and sometimes you are the comfortee?
I get that sharing pain is dumping into the center ring, but sometimes, when it's someone close to you, it's nice for the center ring person to get a chance to help someone else.
I think it might be too much to hang this on my door at work, but it's brilliant. Very clarifying.
surprisedinsurprise
Newbie
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 6:14 pm

Re: helping to make sense - ring theory

Postby natasha » Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:52 am

LOVE it!!! Totally makes sense. That would explain why my sister sharing her emotions with me over my boyfriends suicide felt totally overwhelming and I had to ask her to stop - I was in the center and she was dumping in. And why when we were doing the same thing when my sister died was fine, and felt totally supportive - we were both in the center circle together. Maybe that is why the being comforted/comforter here is so workable - we are all in the circle together?
natasha
Newbie
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:28 pm


Return to Coping

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron
This web site built and maintained by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com -- Portions Copyright © by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com, All Rights Reserved.