Is suicide a choice

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby cali » Wed Jul 03, 2013 11:09 pm

Thank you for bringing this back to awareness Sam, the timing is perfect for me. Hope you and yours are well.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Mom » Sat Aug 03, 2013 4:56 pm

My son too tried to look for a brighter day. He said to me, " you always said it would get better but it didn't , so why should I believe that it is still possible"? I couldn't come up with anything new just " You have to believe and be strong and patient" . He ran out of patience and I know that there was not any words that would have changed that, only unknown actions.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby ktfahel » Fri Sep 27, 2013 9:20 am

I apologize in advance for stepping on toes or hurting anyone. That is the LAST thing I want to do.

That said, I strongly DISagree with the statement. They had a choice. They could stay and fight, or give in to their impulses. I speak as one who has contemplated taking my own life before, as a teenager. I CHOSE to stay for the sake of my little brother, who sorely needed me. Ironically, it was him who ended up choosing to take his own life. My friend Steven CHOSE to die the day before we were supposed to have lunch together. I've felt the pain, the emptiness, the "everyone would be better off without me"-ness...sometimes still do. I CHOOSE to go on. I'm not saying that their choices were right or wrong, I'm also not trying to convince anyone who believes that it wasn't a choice differently...but no one can convince me that it wasn't a choice.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby cali » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:18 pm

I believe people choose to live even when deeply suicidal, because they are still able to make that choice. When people "choose" to die they are not capable of any other thought or action. They are overwhelmed by an all consuming need to blot out their pain. At that point, they are in a trance state and there is nothing else in their consciousness. Countless survivors of serious attempts have attested to this. Decisions may have been made that led up to this state, but once the state is reached, it is irrevocable without outside intervention.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Blossom » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:57 pm

I wrote and then prepared to delete, then deleted, then had a thought about a piece that I wrote on my son's fb page a while ago. Maybe some bits will resonate, maybe not. It is not meant to be a loss comparison, but is written as a mother. We used to get a large puzzle for our family every Christmas, but have no heart for it now. I guess we are learning to do other things...maybe we will go back to it, who knows.

"People affected by suicide all hold a piece to a giant jigsaw (think 5000 pieces). Those furthest hold the straight edges - the borders, easy rationalising, a + b = c. Those a little closer, hold pieces that, with a little work, surrender a clue to their placement. Those even closer, do more work to find the place for their piece. Those closest, hold the pieces(s) of the sky....all blue, so so difficult. You get up in frustration and walk away for a while but you are drawn back - compelled...you try to fit the piece of sky (for today) where it almost goes - but there is no satisfying 'click' that we crave to hear, the 'click' of peace. At first, the welling(s) of expectancy, of making meaning, are disappointed and oh so crushing. Every cell, every thought, every beat of our hearts is excruciatingly ripe to receive. And it is felt in isolation. Just when that very isolation seems unbearable, you find yourself receiving unexpected dividends, small ones. You laugh, for starters, and then you retreat from your own laugh, aghast...but then you laugh again and again. So alien is the quickening of living, it actually makes you laugh in its elementary novelty. Now I understand baby steps.

To the broken hearted - the pieces of sky are always yours, but they will become a softer hue and will always match the colour of the clothes you now wear."
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Crystl » Sat Sep 28, 2013 6:05 am

I agree with Cali..
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby cali » Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:58 am

You are always so kind in your understanding, Blossom. Thank you. Life and death are so mysterious (to me). As hard as we try to glean a steady viewpoint, there is so much that is just beyond the scope...
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Blossom » Mon Sep 30, 2013 5:06 pm

Yes. I wrote that at a 'steady' point in time. I understand what you mean by the sheer scope... The post I wrote and deleted spoke of how one day, thoughts settle on one thing, the next day, another...but gosh, always that absence of the 'click', always that absence. In early grief, inner propositions were minute by minute (the washing machine), now it is by the day. It is that mystery that is hardest to face, I think. No ground under your feet (at first?) - that's really really hard. And then I find myself visiting that groundless sensation, but only in moments (once again, only bearable in small snatches). Conscious breathing at dawn is helping.

I am not sure that it is ever meant to be steady, suicide bereavement or not.

Hi Crystl..it is nice to hear your voice.
Blossom x

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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby natasha » Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:18 am

"suicide happens when no other choices are seen" "unbearable pain and believing there is no other way"

such sorrow in thinking that our loved one got to that point, that point of no return, without us being able to stop it. and yet, would we expect anyone to live with unbearable pain?
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