Is suicide a choice

For suggestions on what helps us cope after our lives have been affected by suicide.

Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby samwong » Thu May 10, 2012 12:53 am

Hi Blossom,
I am busy with new house renovation, kinda not really into it, if you know what i meant.
Sophie is coming to 10 month tomorrow 11.5.2012 , she is born in 11.7.2011.

This week i brought her to hospital 2 nights as she suffered from gastrics flu . She kept vomitting but man, she such a brave girl..

Yeah, i have been a silent reader recently, thing aint going that smooth in work and of cos the big life. But hey, i watched a stallone movie ROCKY BALBAO and he lectured his son. i find it very meaningful. I copied and pasted as below.
"
You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life. Don't forget to visit your mother.
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Blossom » Thu May 10, 2012 2:41 am

Poor Sophie - I hope she is better now. Her birth was a little ray of sunshine for all of us here, 10 mths ago. And of course she is brave, of course! May Sophie give you lots of cuddles and joy.

Those are very powerful words you quoted, Sam. I guess that ultimately, we can only live up to ourselves. Big life indeed. It sounds as though you are carrying a lot on your shoulders...but then, if you look back a little, this would not have been possible a year ago. This is not a pep talk, it's just that I am looking a little over my shoulder of late and cannot quite believe how different I am...how much water has passed under the bridge, how I got here...even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Work can come and work can go, but I pray that you find solace in your family life.
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby samwong » Thu May 10, 2012 8:39 am

It strange huh, my mother have history of depression and she recovered from it when I was about 22 years old. These ten years we really enjoy one another , she started to sew, plantings etc. Even my dad said she is happy these last few years.

Till one day I reached home after works, dad dragged me to one side, said my mum was back to old self. Never did I imagine these 3 to 4 months will be her last. How can this happen so fast and in such a deceitful way...

Guess what, sometimes I don't even know if I am living or just passing this life. The feeling of up and down... Getting pissed of with this world, accepting any challenge the world can throw to me..I will fight and survive, just like rocky. But I am so wrong. Sometimes it just so hard, so hard to even think about anything.

Sophie is my pillar of strength . She came at a time I am in the most despair. Is this coincidence? Or is something higher than me sent her to me. The more I take care of Sophie, the more I can felt my mother love towards me, the more pain in my heart.

Well, am glad u guys are here and remember me. I don't feel so lonely. I like to share a photo of Sophie with you guys, and am glad she is somehow parts of u form her birth till now.
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby cali » Thu May 10, 2012 10:55 am

Oh Sam, I would love to see another picture of Sophie!
I read about your mother, and sometimes I just wonder- it seems there can be so many elements that might contribute to the suicidal state of mind- Environmental things perhaps. Could there have been some sensitivity your mother was relieved of for those 10 years that returned again? My son went from growing up in a clean, sunny environment to living in an area of the country that is overcast, crowded and heavily polluted for the last 5 years of his life. I am sure it contributed negatively to his mental state.- Even the people- entrenched in city life- so much more rudeness and selfish entitlement than he had ever encountered before- not that he was intellectually naive about such things, but to experience them directly in heavy contrast to the gentler society he had become accustomed to, along with the peculiarities of the many overly privileged people he went to college with, kids who had ridiculously expensive cars and lifestyles and had never wanted for anything...who were super smart but grew up in bubbles. Ahhh just rambling...
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby bevcolbert » Tue May 15, 2012 3:27 pm

Hi Sam. I too believe that it was not a choice. It was the only alternative that my son could see to end his pain. He had lost hope that things would ever be better for him.
Beverly, mother of Matt (7/3/1986-6/16/2010)
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby samwong » Tue May 15, 2012 9:55 pm

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/19 ... 101046.jpg

As promised, this is Sophie in a italia pizza restaurant.
Due to the strong aircon, we used a blanket to cover her.
I LOVE MY MUM! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN WHEN MY TIME HAS COME.
GOD, Please show your loves to all.
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Blossom » Tue May 15, 2012 11:13 pm

Oh Sam....she looks like your mum!
Blossom x

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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby cali » Wed May 16, 2012 12:13 am

Thank you Sam! What a sweetie!
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Crystl » Wed May 16, 2012 5:33 am

she's gorgeous Sam..I just wanna scoop her up and cuddle her.

I don't know why this terribile illness goes into remission and rears it's head again when least expected Sam.
I'm glad you had that lovely 10 years of wonderful memories of your Mum to treasure forever *hug*
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Re: Is suicide a choice

Postby Bereaved1 » Wed May 23, 2012 2:40 am

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
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