I just can't stop thinking about it

Especially for those who have lost a friend to suicide, who is not included in the other Connecting forums.

I just can't stop thinking about it

Postby Josh1971 » Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:38 am

I only found out on Wednesday that my friend, Elizabeth, had shot herself on Valentine's day. I still can't believe it's real...this all seems like a horrible joke or a dream. I just can't get my mind around it...I keep thinking I should have phoned her...I should have been aware of how she was feeling......she was the last person I ever imagined taking her own life like this when she had to know how she was loved by her friends and husband and mother.....why couldn't she just have picked up the damn phone and called me or somebody? I've been crying every time I start thinking of her and trying to hear her laugh in my memory......I am so heartsick and angry that she did this and now I can never see her or talk to her or go bowling or do anything with her ever again....and I can't ever know why she felt she had to go like this. She was such a good, loving person without an ounce of pretense, completely herself, and it's such a waste....I look at pictures of her and just want to scream. She was cremated yesterday and I missed the viewing, I couldn't handle seeing her there in a casket....I was told she looked beautiful, and that a friend had put an old letter I had sent her with her in the casket. I sort of feel like if I didn't see her body, then she's not really gone, but I know it's real and she's gone and i'm so mad at her and myself and her husband and everyone...............how could she do this to us? I just want to call her up and yell at her....but she isn't there to yell at. For the rest of my life I'm going to cry each time I start thinking about her, I miss her so much.
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Re: I just can't stop thinking about it

Postby Beloved1 » Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:50 pm

Josh, all of your emotions that are boiling up in you are completely normal. A close person's suicide is a devastating event that is included in the list of real catastrophes. We have all been through it. You are very brave to keep going and join us here. I am very sorry about Elizabeth's passing, and, am sure that she will live in your heart forever.
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Re: I just can't stop thinking about it

Postby psyquestor » Tue Feb 26, 2013 2:09 pm

(((Josh))) I'm very sorry you've lost your friend Elizabeth to suicide. All of these questions you're having are sadly normal. We replay those last weeks or conversations over and over in our minds, trying to figure out how we could have helped them. It takes time to work through this part of your grief journey, but you can get through it. I know it's hard to believe right now, but someday when you think of Elizabeth, there will be a smile instead of a tear. It will take a long time to get there and many tears before that happens. Please know that it will happen.

There are some helpful links on the main page of this forum and a lot of helpful information. I remember that I had a lot of questions and those helped me to answer some. If you have any questions, all of our members are amazing and will help. We understand this tearful journey in a way that others may not. You are not alone.
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I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

Hold On, Pain Ends
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