Why?

Especially for those who have lost a friend to suicide, who is not included in the other Connecting forums.

Why?

Postby moconnor » Fri Oct 07, 2011 6:43 pm

For almost a week now I have struggled with the suicide of my best friend Sandra...and I cannot understand...

We had a pact that either of us felt like harming the other we would contact each other...the pact worked at least four times, from both ends, so why did it fail this time?

And Sandra had said several times that she would not take her own life because she did not to put me and her husband through that kind of pain...and she always kept her word. Why break faith this time?

Didn't she know that by taking her own life she would leave me all alone, with none who really understood me or cared about me?

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Re: Why?

Postby crisa » Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:59 am

Marie- I wish I could tell you the answer to your why and the answers to all of your questions! Again, I am so sorry for your loss of your best friend!
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Re: Why?

Postby psyquestor » Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:18 pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. It is natural to ask why, but as suicide survivors we are particularly prone to doing so. I want you to know this is normal for this type of loss. Our brains struggle to make some sense of this, but honestly it cannot. Suicide is a senseless act. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I am so sorry.

Please continue to visit us. Some of our members have suffered a similar loss and understand some of what you're feeling and going through. You are not alone.

We will never get over it, but together we can get through it.

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Re: Why?

Postby moconnor » Sun Oct 09, 2011 4:06 pm

That is the agonizing part of surviving the suicide of a loved one---the questions that cannot be answered. Not in this life anyway and perhaps not even in the life to come.

I have my guesses as to what contributed to Sandra's suicide but it seems that she acted (contrary to her character) on a very sudden impulse. What the triggering act was will probably be something I will never know.

Perhaps part of the depth of my emotions is that I was unable to attend Sandra's funeral...we lived in two different states and I had neither the money nor the time to attend...I regret that. I had promised her a long time ago that I would attend her funeral...but I thought that would be many years from now, when I had more resources and more of a warning of her impending death. I hate it when I can't keep the promises that I make. But when you're unemployed and on a very tight income...
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Re: Why?

Postby psyquestor » Sun Oct 09, 2011 5:56 pm

Marie, I'm sure she would understand.

(((hugs)))

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Re: Why?

Postby moconnor » Sun Oct 09, 2011 6:15 pm

I think she would have understood---that was one of her outstanding qualities: she understood me better than anyone else and she was always available to help. Not neccesscarily about to talk to me all the time but just knowing I had the support...that meant so much to me. I tried very hard to return her kindness and to show her my love...

But I guess there comes a time when love is no longer enough.

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Re: Why?

Postby eternalvoid » Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:31 am

Hey... sorry your on this website I wish I could help you. I know how it feels to lose a close friend... I've lost 2 to suicide in the past 6 months and it is most definitely overwhelming. Please understand that your friend was not in her normal state of mind and that whatever pain she couldn't stand is gone now. Remember her as she was, a loving, genuinely good person... And the fact that you missed the funeral doesn't make you a bad person. I'm struggling with the same emotions because my friend Jim who was a dirty old hillbilly and the nicest man you would have ever met didn't receive a proper funeral and I still am formulating my own version of a funeral in his honor. I suggest you do the same because in a weird way, thinking about what I want to do to honor his life makes me feel a little better about myself. Don't get me wrong the pain of losing him hasn't lessened any but I feel good in the sense that I am doing a selfless act for my friend. My last action I am ever allowed to take in honor of him. Please keep your head up and keep living your life because sadly life isn't going to stop :[ I hope these ramblings of a 20 year old helped and I give you my condolences and best wishes. Keep going...
I take inspiration from the most heinous of situations, creating medication out of my own tribulations.
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Re: Why?

Postby Peaches406 » Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:42 pm

Eternal, I love your signature. How wonderfully worded for such a "young" man. You said
eternalvoid wrote:My last action I am ever allowed to take in honor of him.
I just wanted to say that I believe any action we take in their name, or because of something they taught us in our life, is an honor to them. Because they are in our hearts I believe we are allowed to honor them whenever we so choose, in which ever way you choose.
I hope you keep coming back, the souls on this site are wonderful and gentle ones.
*hugs*
Trent Daniel Jones 2/14/90 to 3/31/11 ~ My heart, my love, my life....
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