try too hard?

Especially for those who have lost a friend to suicide, who is not included in the other Connecting forums.

try too hard?

Postby Fhorn » Mon May 01, 2017 8:22 am

About 6 weeks ago my best friend EVER lost her husband to suicide and she has not moved about 900 miles away to be with her family. Obviously the best thing for her since now she has all of her family around her but also obviously not the best outcome for me. No need to say this has been a terrible time for her and I have done my best to support her in every way that I can, but it also seems she is a little distant from me. I have done tons of reading on the subject of survivors of suicide and have found that this is relatively normal so I am trying to not worry about that aspect. We text back and forth almost daily and I try to call her every few days. I keep reading and doing my research on how to best help survivors heal. I have told her that I am always here for her and although I really have no way to truly understand what she is going through I hurt for her very much. All that said I guess my question is can you say "I'm here for you whenever you and however you need me" too much? How many times can I say "I'm always with you even if only in spirit"? The last thing I want to do is become a 'pest' to her but I also do not want her to forget that I am with her through all of this and I will ALWAYS be with her even though she is hundreds of miles away. I feel her pain more than she realizes I think. She told me that it was not my job to help her heal to which I responded "yes it is and as a matter of fact it is my MOST IMPORTANT job". I feel her pain but I also have my own pain because I do not want the best friend I have ever had to slip away. At least I have stopped crying EVERY day but there are still tears and I never know when something will trigger them. I think I am rambling! I'm confused. I guess my question is, is it possible to try to help too much?

Sorry for the rambling. Sometimes there are just too many thoughts all at once. This has been the hardest thing I have EVER gone through and it is impossible to imagine how much worse it is for her. Your thoughts and advice are very much appreciated.
Fhorn
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Re: try too hard?

Postby sueredpred » Thu May 25, 2017 7:04 am

Keep reaching out. As a survivor of my husbands death. We often don't know what we need or want. Keep doing your calls and messages. I know I appreciated it. When people see us moving on they often think we are amazing and strong. We are but we often crumble in private. At least that's my take.
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