I apolygize for taking this long to respond to all of you, I havn't had internet access in quite some time. It was really warming to come back to all of your replies, to know that people out there do care. I am still trying to cope with everything that has happened. In the last couple of months, I did have two major breakdowns. One of them ended with my boyfriend that I live with ended up taking me to the hospital. Ever since i was about age five, I would have ptsd/anxiety episodes where it got so extreme that it was mistaken for me having seizures. In my most recent "breakdown", this is what happened. It was like my body/mind was going into total shock from being too overwhelmed from playing everything in my head over and over again of what happened. I waited at the hospital for a psychiatric nurse to come talk with me and I told her everything that has happened and tried to explain to her how i've been feeling. She gave me a list of income-based therapists but even that, is still something i cant afford so im still trying to deal with this on my own. Thank you everyone for your support, Jessica i will send you a message so we can talk more. I am so sorry for your loss as well, what we've been through is extreme and no one should ever have to know how much pain it feels to go through something like this. Tawna, I will try to find you on facebook. I'm interested in that group you talked about before.
I was on the search to find an in-person support group that i could possibly afford, and I came across a center called ARTS: A Reason To Survive here in my city. It's an art center for ages 3-22 for people dealing with grief, suicide, physical/sexual abuse, and homelessness. I emailed them and im going in next week for a tour to see which program best fits me, and its non-profit so i dont have to pay anything. I'm really looking forward to that and I sure hope it helps. And Karyl, I'll tell you a little bit about my sister. When she born, my mom knew something wasn't right with her. The doctors thought she was normal, and my mom did alot of research and came across something. This syndrome wasn't very known at the time of her birth, but she has Angelman Syndrome. She was missing the chromosome 15 in her brain. It stopped the development of her brain so even though she lived to be 13, her brain only developed to an 18 month old. She couldn't speak, couldn't walk, she had no gag reflex so she couldn't eat either. She had surgery when she was eight weeks old to put a g-tube in her stomach so she could eat baby formulas and shakes her whole life. She also had epilepsy and cerebral palsy. Even though angelman kids are unable to communicate verbally. they can communicate in other ways. Angelman kids are very well known for being extremely happy. Her smile could light up anyones day, she laughed almost constantly and clapped her hands alot. She loved playing and chewing on baby toys, watching action movies because they excited her so much, and she also did special olympics in my hometown when she was younger. She was also in the program Make a Wish Foundation and Give Kids the World. We were able to take her to Disney World quite a few times and she loved it there, and at Give Kids the World she has her own star there with her name and her born date, which I still want to go visit. She attended public school and the kids and teachers absolutely loved her, she could brighten everyones day just by being there and even had a boyfriend at the time in her special education class. We lived in a small town but at her memorial service, approximately 150 kids/teachers/family and friends attended and shared their love for her. Alot of people say that kids that are born with Angelman Syndrome, that they resemble an angel from God being brought on this earth because of the shine they have and the good they bring into peoples lives. And even though she's gone, I can still feel her shining and her smile burning. I still miss her a lot, I just wish she didn't have to go. I come from a long generation of physical/sexual abuse, four generations so far and my dad, his brother, and one of my brothers is a sociopath. It seemed like a very dark place to grow up in but my sister, Kelsey, brightened our home a little bit and most of those years, I dont know how i would have made it out alive without her. Another reason why it makes it so hard her not being her. I'll try to keep in touch and thank you everyone for your support. <3
and here is a picture of her and i at a childrens hospital about six years ago. She was about to go through some major tests at the hospital but she still had a smile on her face, like always. <3