How do you learn to be ok after your child commits suicide

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

How do you learn to be ok after your child commits suicide

Postby Sassysab28 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 9:39 pm

Hi I'm new to this and don't really know how to reach out, but last November my 14 year old daughter committed suicide. Since then my life is a mess and i am trying very hard to not self destruct. My daughter was my savior from my own self destruction when I was younger. She struggled with a lot of health problems and severe allergies and lived everyday in a great deal of pain but was always my happy loving daughter. She had just before that told several people that for the first time ever she truly felt like a family with my boyfriend whom she said was the first time she truly felt like she had a dad. She was a freshman in high school but for 2 1/2 years before she was home schooled but begged me to let her go to high school and I gave in. Within 2 weeks she had decided that she was going to be an Ecologist because it was too late to save people and she wanted to save the animals and earth. She ran for class president and was on Student council, where she participated in multiple school functions. She had her first kiss and went to her first dance,had her first boyfriend and was really coming out of her she'll she was growing up, but she was keeping a few secrets 1 she was being bullied at school, 2 her oldest brother is slowly dying , 3 this I did not know until after her death but her father had raped her when she was on a visit. She wrote an autobiography and completed it the day she committed suicide and she wrote about the trauma in such detail and it was in her suicide letter. My boyfriend and I had only left our home on November 7, 2014 for one n a half hours and in that time she took one of my boyfriends handguns and shot herself. I have struggled so severely since all of this. I have bouts with being suicidal now, more than ever but luckily I have such an amazing boyfriend that helps me through all of this, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like a mess. Am I wrong to feel like in going crazy? Why do I feel like no one understands? Am I ever going to be ok? How do I keep going on? Please I really do need advice I need to talk to people that are in my shoes can someone please help me
Sassysab28
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Re: How do you learn to be ok after your child commits suici

Postby cali » Sun Aug 02, 2015 9:52 am

Sweetheart, it will ease with time. I lost my son almost 5 years ago now, and even though it can still be very hard at times, It is not hard all of the time, like it was in the beginning.
I think people feel if they say it gets a bit easier with time, they are dishonoring the love they have for the person they lost. But if it stayed as hard as it was, I would not have survived. I miss my son terribly, and I understand the guilt, and the sleeplessness you wrote about in your other post. I deal with my guilt by knowing it is the last thing my son would want me to feel forever. The sleeplessness has mostly gone, but at first I needed meds to sleep. Rest is very important, to give you the strength to get through the days. Eight months is really a very short time... most people do not begin to feel much like they can truly function until at least 2 years have passed, and then it is just the beginning of that. So go easy on yourself, and know that this takes lots of time and patience and gentleness. Find the things that are helpful, even if only in small ways. At first nothing can help very much, but if you keep moving forward bit by bit, you will find a little more room to live your life without the extreme pain that you feel now. Your daughter sounds like a lovely person. I am so sorry for the pain she experienced and I am very sorry for your loss.
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