Nearly 5 years ...

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Nearly 5 years ...

Postby cmarie » Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:16 pm

I work in the social services field in my community. As a community we are struggling to find away to cope with all the anxiety and depression in our young people. Many see it as an epidemic.

I am at a meeting today, where I feel like it might make a difference if I tell them my sorry. Liam's story. But the words stick in my throat, and my eyes fill with the goddamn tears. And I know I will not be able to speak without it turning to sobs, and I can't do it.

This September will be 5 years since I lost my boy, and while I function everyday, the pain and grief are still so close to the surface. Just a little scrape of the paint and there they are.

It's 6 hours later and I still feel raw from the experience.

Needed to put down the words. Thank you.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby Blossom » Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:21 pm

Heard, cmarie. How else is a broken heart supposed to sound?
I am thinking of you and your family, and of Liam.
It's been so long - but it also seems like yesterday....
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby cmarie » Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:55 pm

Yes it does feel like yesterday some days. I'm in the midst of a wave again I guess. It's been a long while, and I know "this too shall pass", and still.... It catches me off guard and is painful.
Thanks blossom
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby cali » Sat Jul 11, 2015 11:37 am

Feels like yesterday to me too, cmarie. I am tracking along with you. This time of year falls like a ton of bricks, the ptsd, the memories of the weeks and days leading up.
Thinking of you, and blossom too.
cali
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby briansfolks » Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:21 pm

I feel the same. It never really improves. I just live with it in the shadows now.
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby NickW » Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:35 pm

cmarie I too would love to talk to groups of young people about suicide; however, I just can't get through it without falling apart. August 20th will be one year for us. I so pray for a little peace for you cmarie and all who walk this tortuous road.
Love Never Dies.
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby cmarie » Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:22 pm

Nick, it's something I have admired in others- that ability to share their experience articulately, without breaking down. A family in BC who lost their son several years ago to suicide has created a mental health centre that bears his name. They are really making a difference. I am trying to make a difference too, but it certainly won't be a public showing.

the build up to the first anniversary was very, very tough for me. Give yourself lots of space and room for whatever you might need. And be kind to yourself.

Cali, so glad to know you are still out there listening. Thanks.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
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Re: Nearly 5 years ...

Postby Perrys16 » Sun Jul 19, 2015 12:24 pm

I always wanted to be a writer and now almost 13 years later, I still draw blanks. How many times can you say how much this hurts but that is all I still feel. Unfortunately, five years wasn't any magic number for me but right after that things did get a lot better. Just so long to get used to it. I know how hard this is for you and for all of us. Trying to give support when we have nothing to give but words to good friends that are feeling the same. Being so busy all the time helps me. I see Perry everywhere. At this point in my life I am around so many different people and I see him in their eyes. I find dimes on the ground in the strangest places. Kind of what I have resorted to lately. I wish it was not like this but I can not remember any day since it happened that I haven't talked about him or told someone new about him. Even if I try it doesn't happen. Still feels like he is with me everyday even if it isn't a physical presence. Sending you hugs.
Beth
Mother of Perry Atkinson, Jr. 9/7/87-10/21/03
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