Broken family

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Broken family

Postby Janet77 » Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:17 am

Hi, I am looking for anyone who has had a similar experience as me. I lost my eldest son 7 years ago at the age of 30. He left behind a partner and 3 year old daughter. I also have a younger son who since his brothers death has become more estranged from our whole family to the point now where he will not speak to me at all. 5 years ago he met up with a girl who he has now married and they have a child and I am not welcome in their lives at all. There has been over the past 5 years a lot of effort made by me and my husband (he is not the father of either boys) to work out what we have done to warrant this but we have no answer at all. And now to top it all off my ex daughter in law has decided her life has "moved on'' she is now remarried and has 2 more children and she doesn't want to keep contact with us. She says she thinks my 10 year old grand daughter is old enough to make the decision to stay in touch or not and she has decided to not stay in touch. I have no way to contact my grand daughter other than through her mother so I can't do anything. We have I believe been fairly close to her despite some pretty hurtful things that she has done but I have always put these aside and not taken them to heart but really I just don't know how to deal with this all. I am I the only one who has lost both her children by their own actions and also her grand children?
Janet77
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Re: Broken family

Postby Michaelsdad17 » Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:46 pm

Hello, I lost my oldest son whom was 26 when he passed, he didnt have any children but always wanted to someday be a father. I can possibly add some thing to your current lack of contact with your family members. it is quite possible each in their own way is trying to move past the painful experience and once their grief is passed, they could find their way back to contact with you, on their own. My son has several siblings whom each have their own feelings about their brother, my youngest mentions him regularly, his sister she was living with him so the impact affected her deeply as my step-son who wasnt close with Michael but still grieves in his own way. But the estrangement or lack f contact could also be the surviving children's just being so busy in their own lives now that your need to be closer to them seems clingy, but only because you want to hold yur children hug and kiss them each every day, and they want to think of themselves as "grown-ups" even though we as parents will always see them as our babies. I dont quite understand why your youngest wont speak to you at all though, seems like he has some issue deeper that has disconnected him since the passing of his brother. Maybe try a gentler approach using social media if you are on facebook or media site that the children are using. The younger generation use this media every day in some way or another maybe get them to "friend you" but just take it slow, eventually with Love, Hope, and prayers your family will heal and come together eventually my thoughts, and prayers go out to you as also may peace be with you always. I will pray to my son, who held family the closest to his heart
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Re: Broken family

Postby Janet77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:25 am

Hello, thanks for the reply and yes all that you have said I have said to myself and our friends and other family have said to us. We need to be patient and sit and wait for them to possibly come around. And yes I think in my daughter in law's case keeping in touch with me just reminds her of a very sad time in her life and now with a new family she doesn't want to be reminded of the sad past. Doesn't do a lot for me or any of Aaron's family to not only lose him but now also his daughter. My younger son is much deeper issues but again doesn't help us and I do hear of families that never reunite. I know I have to live with this, what I want to know is how? I was very close to my children when they were growing up so it is very difficult to deal with, they were literally my life, the reason I got up in the morning. While I had my grand daughter I could hold on to her at least, but now she's gone too. Everyday now is just another day I have to suffer through. My health is suffering which is affecting everything else. Please if anyone is out there that has had this happen to them please tell me how to find a reason to smile again.
Janet77
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