Heaven and Hell

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Heaven and Hell

Postby briansfolks » Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:55 pm

I am not sure what others have experienced but we have experienced the meanest of comments after our son's death. I believe my son is in heaven or on his way regardless of the cruel remarks we have heard. Our son was not a mean person, he wasn't a criminal, he didn't drink alcohol or use drugs, he helped others , he went to church every week, he didn't use foul language, he didn't cheat on his wife. He wasn't an abuser. He was depressed after his wife said she just didn't love him anymore. I do not believe God is so cruel that he doesn't see the goodness in a person even if they get depressed and commit suicide. I am sickened how people can write or say things that are so cruel to the family, this includes members of our extended family and ministers which I have found have been the worst! So called Christians have decided what is a free pass to heaven and what is not. Makes me sick inside what my family has gone through and what others I know are going through as well. God loves all!
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby Johnsmom » Fri Nov 07, 2014 10:28 pm

Hello Briansfolks~ I personally haven't experienced mean comments but I know that others have. I mean at first there was the unintentional comments "oh my, I thought it would be one of my kids" that killed himself and comments like that. I am also a believer; and yes your son is in heaven. Your son is not 'his last action' on this earth he was so much more! just like you said. God has a special place in heaven for those on this earth who are depressed or mentally ill - we didn't even know our John was mentally ill until he completed suicide. I'm sorry your extended family is being rude and ministers? They are not given the training to deal with grief but to hear that they are saying cruel things to your family is sickening to be sure. Don't let those so called Christians decide how you feel or if Brian is in heaven or not - just know that people who truly believe would never say those things to someone who has lost a child or a loved one. God is all about forgiveness and love; Brian was loved and was forgiven and is waiting to greet you - just don't go yet, many people here rely on you and your words to get us through the day. I pray and hope that you will find peace - Peace comes from within the Soul...
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby cali » Sun Nov 09, 2014 11:30 am

The people who say those cruel things are fools, nothing more.
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby briansfolks » Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:18 pm

Thank you for the kind words. I think others need to hear from the rest of us to counter act the cruel remarks made by people who call themselves Christians that seem to know what is the key to get into Heaven. Really has angered me for years even before our son's death. Frankly if they were to be right I do not want to go to Heaven without him then.
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby Berna » Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:44 pm

I have experienced this only because I will not say anything to people unless I'm very close to them,that my son committed suicide. People will say horrible things about people who commit suicide, going to hell, no entrance into heaven etc...
I simply say it's not true, which I believe to be true, you never know who's in pain unless you walk in their shoes. I also hear comedians make jokes, it's simply ignorant and in poor taste, shame on them, stay strong for yourself and with loved ones cry if needed. One day you will have the courage to say to these ignorant people that they are the ones that will not get into heaven, God is forgiving and the only he can judge. I am confidant in saying all these blessed souls are in their Father's arms as he loves them for eternity, one day we will see them in everlasting bliss.

Love and light my friend,

B
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby briansfolks » Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:01 pm

Thank you I really needed to hear this today!
Brian's mom
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby jimsmom » Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:05 pm

Brian's folks,

An illness is an illness whether it is cancer, heart failure or depression. People who make such comments are ignorant fools. I experienced the same talk from a minister. It took me a couple of years, but I finally wrote that fool and let him know just how much he hurt me and I also told him that I hope he doesn't express to another mother what he said to me. It was quite a long email, but when I was done I felt so much better. Who knows if he will change? Probably not. I just wanted him to put himself in my shoes.

In August, I started in IOP (Intensive outpatient program) because my heart hurts so much even after 4 1/2 years. I am attending after care one day a week. I would like to say that miraculously I am healed, but I'm not. Losing a child is something you live with every day; all the whys, what and shoulds cycle through my mind. My therapist told me that she believed my son died due to an Impulsive suicide. We will never know what they were thinking or how much they were suffering. Having lived through this experience, I now understand how someone could become that desperate when the pain becomes unbearable.

Just looking at Brian's picture you can see the light of his smile and his precious soul shining through.

Love those who love you and let the others go. I think of you often because I feel your pain...I truly do.

{Hugs to you}

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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby briansfolks » Thu Nov 27, 2014 10:26 pm

My husband and I feel quite a connection with you because you are of the few who understand us. Thank you for your note. I have been really down today and you made me feel so much better because of your understanding. Just cannot find peace and I miss Brian so much!
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby Michaelsdad17 » Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:39 pm

As a parent of an adult child who battled mental illness, and misunderstood most of his life I feel my son every single day, I am so much reminded just in a simple gesture he had learned along his life either working with me or one of his other customer service jobs, but everytime each and every day I hear him saying to our customers as they exit the store "Have a Nice Day!" so cheerful and full of kindness and echoing in his exact words and tone. The day I chillingly realized that was a deep loving experience for he shared with everyone whom he knew or met his sincere kindness and loving heart. I miss his calls from time to time asking if he could come help do anything and feel so upset because I was in fact many times too busy or unavailable I would always listen and talk to him and the last time we spoke I missed his call that moment but immedeately called him back. We talked for 35 minutes, he told me about a job he was getting ready to start and I was so happy for him and encouraged him so much I told him "Michael, I am so very proud of you because you kept trying and you found a job you were looking for so proud that is awesome!!" I also told him we would get together soon and I love you son again telling him how proud and happy of his success, he apprecieated the encouragment, I kept telling him see I knew you could do it always. That was just a couple of days before he took his own life all alone in the dark room. I now carry his bible each day with me its a pocket version, and think of him, wishing that day had never came to be but, again that is only for my feelings and love for my son. He is in Heaven looking down on upon us, no more pain, no more sorrow, no more demons, just peace. Our tears that fall for our children water the seeds of hope, and are memories we shared passing thru slowly easing the loss and help us through our journey until we meet each other once more.
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Re: Heaven and Hell

Postby briansfolks » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:36 pm

Haven't been able to access this site until now so I am responding to you MIchaelsdad, We have met up with great supportive people and mean callous people that I believe their aim was to hurt us. Our son was not a murderer, nor was he an alcoholic or on drugs, he wasn't abusive, he was a brilliant chemist and was a kind human being. He felt hurt more than normal I think and when his wife hurt him ( Which she admits she did on purpose) he went into a deep depression that he couldn't get out of. It has profoundly changed our lives. I am not a social person anymore, I stay pretty much at home, I drive rarely any where. I just do not have the energy anymore nor the patience to hear what I perceive as drivel from people, Complaining about non important things. I am not rude to people but I am quiet which may be perceived as rude I guess. It has been over 3 years and time moves slowly. You manage to get through the day but there is always the memory that comes back and makes you sad. Never a day I forget about it. May happen in the shower, or going out to get the mail but the memory resurfaces and tears flow again.
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