I wake up in the morning
and they find me at first light.
all these questions that I carry
welcome to my plight.
I'm a suicide survivor
living a life I never chose.
The questions are relentless
but the answers, no one knows.
All the why's and what if's
always running through my head.
Second guessing almost everything
that was ever done or said.
How could he leave me?
Without a chance to say goodbye.
Why didn't I see it coming?
They'll never be an answer why.
Waiting until this life’s over
for this torture to finally end.
Time may heal some wounds.
but others it can never mend.
By: Randall Stepp http://www.amazon.com/Losing-son-suicid ... 1500124745
I've been thinking of you quite a bit lately. I'm with you as far as the grief. I long for my son as I am sure you do. It doesn't get better does it? The pain just grows along with the guilt. I have been attending an Intensive Outpatient program for PTSD. I don't know if it has helped, but I don't know what else to do. I am out of work on FMLA and scheduled to go back on Monday and I'm scared. Scared I can't cope and scared I will stuff my feelings just to make it through work...and that hasn't worked for me in the past 4 years.
Sending hugs your way,
I cry everyday and miss him everyday. Nothing helps really. I am not sure you can get over this if you love that person with all your heart. I see all the things he would have loved to do but isn't here. I still look for signs he hears me when i talk to him. I still can hardly believe this happened sometimes.