Misery loves company.

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Misery loves company.

Postby Vada » Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:13 pm

Misery loves company, that is what they say and I know it to be true. I am miserable, and I come looking for others who understand. I am thankful that I found this site. I feel so alone in my grief. I try to pretend that I am doing ok, and I try not to bring up my son very often. I know others don’t want to hear about my loss, many don’t care and no one wants to talk about it. I think most people think that you are supposed to be brave, suck it up, and put the past behind you. I do suck it up most days, even though the sad emptiness is always there. Some days I do have my little melt downs and I post something on facebook, amongst all the fun things. I rarely get many likes or comments on these post. People don’t want to hear about it. So for the most part I try to keep my sadness to myself. I feel like a zombie, trying to pretend to be normal. My son committed suicide on Oct. 20th 2011. My son’s name is Danny, he would have been turning 32 years old on the 24th of Janruary 2014. Danny was my only child and my heart was crushed and the life was drained from my soul on that awful night. Sometimes I need to talk about it. Sometimes I need to feel like someone understands. Sometimes, I don’t want to suck it up. Sometimes I just want to fall apart and wallow in my pain, and I need to know that others understand. I am glad I found this site. I read other post and I think, I could have written that, that is just how I feel. Thank you everyone for being here. I am so sorry for all of your losses. I appreciate your sharing, because I need to know I am not alone in my suffering.
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby briansfolks » Sat Jan 11, 2014 9:41 pm

Vada,
I have some of the same issues as you, having to function when I didn't want to but life and business expected me too. I had my private time meltdowns when time allowed. Others that you say didn't want to hear about it, they offered support and it was indeed genuine, but we needed the soup to be stronger and more of it. Those good friends most likely became frustrated and left us lonely after they didn't see instant healing. After the first few days of people at the house sitting around, loads of food that it took 6 months to eat, and the grocery store pep talks to "get over it", our friends that obviously have never experienced true grief didn't visit as often or at all. For us, it's been 2 years since our 28 year old son Brian left us. His wife has yet to explain the horrors she put him through, we will not get over this. Each day we face the world without him and search for peace within us. Most things are fixable, this however is not. Thank you for understanding.
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby Vada » Mon Jan 13, 2014 2:10 pm

Thank you briansfolks, for responding to my post. Unfortunately, we do have much in common. My son was 29 years old and it has been 2 years and almost 3 months. My son committed suicide after his girlfriend, and mother of his two little twin girls, said she was taking the girls and leaving. I wanted to blame her. I did not talk to her for over a year, but I knew I had to get past that, and I did, for the most part. I really do ok, most days. I am just really glad I found this site, because when I do get really down and feeling like no one cares or understands, it is nice to be able to come here and know that I am not alone. I wish I could take everyone's pain and loss away, but since I can't, I am glad we can all come here and hear from others who understand.
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby isabelsiracuse » Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:11 pm

my daughter committed suicide on January 10, 2015...she was 24... a beautiful girl... thousands of friends .. and yet so lonely. She lived in Brooklyn, NY . She was a fashion mkt student. waitressing by night. She didn't get a break... no jobs in fashion world... no boyfriend to cuddle her..just a bunch of druggie friends as a support group.She was a pure soul... a real friend to her friends... everybody loved her... she always had a smile I her face... no one knew the pain she was in.. no even me.. and I am her mother. And I find comfort when someone cries with me... I am sick with grief.. so much guilt... I cant help you...but I can just cry with you... and try to breath....
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby waterfern » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:40 am

I don't have much to write, except that I understand. Write as much as you need to, cry as loudly as your heart wants. I'm sorry you feel so lonely at times. I lost my mum to suicide and feel so alone in the world knowing that she's no longer a part of it. Suicide grief is especially lonely. Sending you love.
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby briansfolks » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:14 pm

I am Brian's mom, I know this pain that never goes away. I experience the sadness most of the time alone because no one wants to hear about anymore. Makes them uncomfortable I guess. I cry at the drop of a hat. Isabelsiracuse I never quite understand it but as a mother who always wants to fix things it is so painful to know I can't fix this. I can't pretend it to go away. It has been over 3 years now and it feels like yesterday most of the time. Time has slowed down for me. OUr son was brilliant, a chemist, a good human being yet he couldn't overcome sadness and we couldn't fix it for him. There is not a day I don't beg God for a chance to talk to him and he talk back.
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby isabelsiracuse » Tue Mar 03, 2015 8:58 pm

it's going to be two months now on Feb 10, and it feels just like yesterday... I can't let go. Everything reminds me of her... a girl's laugh...a fashion magazine ,any movie I watch, any conversation I have I remember her, I have to stop myself from talking about her it makes the others uncomfortable... oh I resent that. I want to talk about her all day long.. I can't go to sleep her whole like goes thru my mind all night long...it feels like I'm loosing my mind.
I try to understand the sadness she was in... and I feel so utterly guilty. Why couldn't I protect her? she was my little girl. She needed me... and I wasn't there for her. I ask Jesus to send me vision o her in heaven. Then I start thinking .. that there's no spiritual life. I read the bible and nothing there says that when people die they go to heaven. I desperately want to believe that this is true...heaven. So I can join her soon
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Re: Misery loves company.

Postby briansfolks » Sat Mar 07, 2015 12:52 pm

BELIEVE!
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