Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby eyez1010 » Sat Jan 02, 2016 12:29 pm

My son left no note. Which still baffles me he was an avid writer older than his years. I wish I had a note any glimpse as to why. It's been 2 months and 5 days since I found him..the first few days I searched his entire room nothing then when his computer I pad and phone were released from detectives nothing..I thought maybe he was intoxicated when he took his life waiting for the toxicology report was pure agony I was kinda hoping he didn't realize what he was doing again nothing. ..that was hard it was kind of a last hope to know or have some kind of answer as to why..at 23 with so much life ahead of him he opted out.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby cali » Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:17 pm

My son was 24, also a prolific writer, also no note. Apparently more often than not there is no note. I'm so very sorry for your loss. These are very early days for you. Please take good care of yourself. This forum has not been so active lately, but there is lots to read, and you are always welcome to write.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby eyez1010 » Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:44 am

Thank you Cali. I am also sorry for your no parent or anyone for that matter should have to live with this hurt. I'm trying so hard to hold it together.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Kimba76 » Sun Jan 03, 2016 4:07 pm

I was relieved when I found this forum. I've felt so alone in this. My 21 year old son hanged himself on December 1, 2015. It's only been a month, but it's felt like forever since I've talked to him.
Two weeks after, I found a 'note' in his Skype profile. He started is by saying he was 'Ending all these problems'. That he was a menace to even his closest friends. He apologized twice, said he 'hoped this worked' and if not 'guess he would move on'. I cannot decipher anything from this, and it only raises many more questions. I do know he was drinking but have not received the toxicology or coroners report as of yet.
I am not the person who found him, but as odd as it sounds- I so wish I would have been the one. I'm a need to know kind of person, and I have spent the last month trying to understand any of this. I have gotten into all of his email accounts, his Facebook, Skype account. And of course, no answers- but I now see slot of cries for help, and threats of suicide to online friends. He never showed that side of him to family and friends. This was a complete shock to everyone, and part of me wants to think it was an accident due to a cry for attention- but part of me wants to know this is actually want he wanted. I'm so lost. Thank you for letting me post here, and thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I am so sorry for EVERYONE who has lost a loved one, especially a child-with OR without any ANSWERS. THANK YOU.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby eyez1010 » Sun Jan 03, 2016 11:45 pm

Kimba76
First let me say I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know all to we'll your pain with my Bryan it was the same thing no warning at all. You don't wish you found him it's the worst possible thing a mother can see . My son hung himself from his bedroom door after knocking and finding it locked I started to panic not like him at all. Had to get a screwdriver to get the door open only to realize he was on the other side don't know how I got it open but I did. Then I couldn't get him down at first but I did my beautiful baby was so cold. This something that will stay with me forever I remember the police trying to get me off of him I thought they were pushing me and his face the look on his face..This was October 28th of 2015 and I see this image everyday. Looking back on it I wish I wasn't the one who found him that I could remember my son's beautiful smile and big blue eyes but for now this is all I have . As for the toxicology report it took 6 weeks to get that back I was hoping he had been drinking or something that it was a mistake he didn't mean to but that came back negative too. So all I'm left with is this sadness that threatens to eat me alive I wish I had better optimistic things to say but plz know your not alone.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Eriksmom » Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:08 pm

My son shot himself Nov. 20, 2015. He left no note. I wish I knew what pushed him to that end, he had been seeking help since Jan. 11, 2015 for social anxiety disorder and depression, he had started back to work on Nov. 11 and was starting to act like himself again, then Friday morning he got up for work but instead of getting ready for work he went back into his bedroom and shot himself.
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