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Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.

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Postby jkarlen » Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:03 am

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Last edited by jkarlen on Sun Aug 10, 2014 3:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I lost my father long ago. I'm finally ready to talk

Postby cmarie » Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:49 pm

Nine is so very young to deal with death and suicide. I think it's probably good to talk, now that you feel ready. There is something called complicated grief, which if I understand right, has to do with dealing with new losses when old ones haven't been dealt with- and things get, well - complicated.

There are a lot of great books out there- one I read was called "dying to be Free" by Beverly Cobain. I found it really helpful in providing a perspective from the suicidal person.

Take care.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: I lost my father long ago. I'm finally ready to talk

Postby Suzanne » Sat Apr 19, 2014 6:15 pm

Jkarlen,

I lost my husband to hanging 7 years ago. Our daughters were older than you, but they too grieved the loss of their father. By turns, they were angry, grief-stricken. As their mother there is nothing that makes me happier than to hear them swap stories now about their dad. They have come to understand that they love him and were loved and cherished by him.

When you are ready to share this with your mother,I imagine she will be very happy to know that you know your were loved.

Suzanne
Wife of Dave 10/17/47-11/1/06
Read our story
http://books.google.com/books?id=4zThE8 ... A7o6s-fPpU
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Re: I lost my father long ago. I'm finally ready to talk

Postby jkarlen » Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:34 am

thank you so much, Suzanne and cmarie

cmarie, the idea of complicated grief rings a lot of bells. I've found myself letting this grief affect relationships with people I care about, who don't know. I came to a tentative conclusion that I needed to deal with this before I could be close to someone again, or I would end up hurting them. You've kind of confirmed this for me, if I understand what you're saying. Thank you for the advice and the book recommendation.

Suzanne,

I know that I need to be able to talk to my family about it, but for some reason the idea of that just makes me shake with fear, even 14 years later. I don't understand it. I think I want to talk to them about it, but there's a block that I don't understand. Thank you for the kind words. I wish you and your daughters the best.

-J
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Re: I lost my father long ago. I'm finally ready to talk

Postby 13J13 » Sat May 10, 2014 9:16 am

Hi,
thank you for sharing.
I can relate a lot with numbing the pain for the sake of appearances. My father committed suicide when I was 18 and I was determined that I was stronger than it. I refused to notice that I was in serious trouble.

I too find it impossible to speak to family about it, and I don't know if I ever will. I haven't told any friends about it for years now, it can be so difficult and messy. But like you, I think I am ready to go through the messy parts for my own sake.

It sounds great that you were able to speak to someone in a similar position. It really hadn't occurred to me that there were others like me who had lost a parent to suicide, and your story certainly adds to that sudden feeling that I'm not alone in this.
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