Daddy's Little Girl

Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.

Daddy's Little Girl

Postby lyssalynne » Sat Nov 09, 2013 10:37 am

Hello there, My name is Alyssa. I lost my father in 2009 to suicide and I'm still dealing with the pain. My mother was cheating on my dad and this caused him to commit suicide. He hung himself in the garage and I found him. I feel I see this image still to this day out of the corner of my eyes. I'm currently renting the house where we used to live as a family, I can hear him and see him. I feel living in the house of our memories is making my depression worse. I have no family, no one to talk to. Everyone abandoned me basically because I knew she was cheating and I didn't tell him. It wasn't my place to tell him, but he knew and he couldn't handle knowing. I still don't know why he had to do this to me, but I understand he didn't want to deal with the pain of losing his wife of 20 years. I still sort of resent my mother because if she wouldn't of been cheating, my dad would still be here. My mother is relentless, she is married and has a boyfriend as well. She plays them both like a violin. I have two children now, she only comes around when its good for her. She has a busy life with two guys, you think she would of learned her lesson but she has not. We do not have a mother daughter relationship anymore. Technically my parents should of been divorced but my dad didn't sign the papers. He had been served two weeks before he died. My mother gets everything he had, and tells me she gets nothing. My dad was a union worker, had a life policy, and money in other areas. Greed has always gotten my mom for the best but it sucks to not have a father, and then have a mother that can't act like a mother. My biggest problem is I don't know how to love now, I have a great fiance and two children but I can't enjoy our time because I'm so depressed. People thinks it's an act, it could be, it could be a cry for help because I have no one. My fiance also has no one, he lost his dad from suicide when he was 5 years old and mother disappeared shortly after. He went to foster care and then got adopted by his uncle. We both have trouble showing our feelings but I just want to be happy again. I want to love and cry like a normal person. I have been taking pills and smoking weed since my dad did this to me. I feel like he is still alive, just NOT calling. It's the worst feeling in the world and I can't really talk to my fiance about it because he really doesn't understand. We have bad situations, but different and similar at the same time. I just need someone to listen, someone to respond, someone that feels like I do. I LOVE MY KIDS TO DEATH but there's that feeling in me that can't show my love. I want my love back.
lyssalynne
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Re: Daddy's Little Girl

Postby cali » Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:18 am

lyssalynne, I just want you to know that I heard you. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to respond to a post, but you are not alone here. I am thinking of you and wishing you and your children and fiancé well. Please keep writing and posting, as much as you feel the need. We are listening. Hugs, cali
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Re: Daddy's Little Girl

Postby LaurenK891 » Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:27 pm

Alyssa,
My story is very similar to yours. My father committed suicide by hanging himself in our garage on June 23, 2014 and I found him. I am dealing with the flashbacks too and I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone. <3
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Re: Daddy's Little Girl

Postby melpell » Tue Aug 05, 2014 1:45 pm

My dad killed himself because my stepmom was going to divorce him cuz he was just a bad guy. She found him in the garage, 2008. I've never had a relationship with my ma, she's crazy. Just wanted to say I feel for ya.
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