bringing up my son

Especially for those who have lost husbands, wifes, boyfriends, girlfriends, or partners to suicide.

bringing up my son

Postby sarahewan8 » Tue May 26, 2015 3:19 pm

Hi all, im new to this site... although I wish I had found it years ago :-(
Abit about why im hear....
When I was 14 I met my soul mate <3 we was young and in and out of love for 5 years until we got to 21 and decided to settle down and make a perfect life together, we got a house and planned a future, I got pregnant with our baby (something he wanted more than anything) I was so happy :-), 2 days after our 5month baby scan the day we found out we was having a son, my soul mate went out at night and hung himself, totally unexpected and unexplainably heartbreaking but he couldnt cope with the pressure of being a parent as his own father was a joke he was scared he would be too, he was too much of a good person to put his own child through any if what he went through :-( (he didnt know himself like the rest of us did but then thats depression. He left devastation everywhere as he was such a wonderful person and the life and soul of every party, every room he walked into! Our son, our wonderful boy is 8years old and more like him everyday, caring, sensitive and a real character!
He knows the truth, always has but iv avoided the word suicide and its always been in bany terms, daddy wasnt well...he was too nice to be here etc... he shocked me though the other day and has been asking alot of questions?? But is he old enough to know it all, what do I say? Will this affect him? Has anyone else got any similar circumstances or is anyone further down the road? Any advice would be very welcome please
sarahewan8
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Re: bringing up my son

Postby cali » Mon Jun 08, 2015 12:20 pm

Sarah,

I'm so sorry no one has responded to you until now. It is certainly a sensitive position to be in, and my heart goes out to you. I don't have the expertise to advise you, but I can tell you my thoughts. I hope it helps. Personally I don't think that 8 years old is old enough to know all the details.

When I lost my 24 year old son to suicide, I know that one of the things he was dealing with was a strong, albeit irrational fear of becoming like his father, who abandoned him when he was 2 years old. My son had many friends, and I withheld the details of his death from most of them, because I know that suicide can be contagious, especially among young people. I did not want them fixated on the details and thinking about doing the same thing to themselves.
I also feel that the manner someone uses to die of suicide is not very important. It's something people can get caught up in, forgetting to focus on the fact that the person was in pain and could not stay here any longer- in other words the details can be kind of sensationalizing for some people. I know this is very personal for your son, but still, I do suggest caution.

I would think that for your son, keeping his focus on the goodness of his father and things that are life affirming, would be a better tactic than telling him details that may be very disturbing. In hindsight, if it were my child facing this, I would wait until he was much older, mature enough to handle the information. I encourage you to get a few different perspectives on this, so that you can make a decision that feels right for you. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your son all the best in navigating this territory carefully and wisely.
cali
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