I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner photos

Especially for those who have lost husbands, wifes, boyfriends, girlfriends, or partners to suicide.

I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner photos

Postby iamjoesforever » Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:03 am

My husband, my soul mate took a russian sks (762.39) bullets and put the rifle in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I went to the scene and saw all the blood. I just laid in it, soaked it up, desperately grasped anything, everything to put it in my pockets. That is all I had left. All I can think about is if it was an immediate death, or did he live for a few seconds after. I know they took pictures and I am extremely tempted to ask to see them. I really really want to, but I am not sure if I should. I think it may make things better, but it may make things worse. It is always on my mind. What is your opinion. I recreate the scene, of him driving, walking, of everything in my mind, like a movie, over and over and over again. I want to move past that. I don't know how. I am thinking the pictures may help.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby briansfolks » Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:34 am

Perhaps best to look at photos of a happier time and embrace them instead. You may also try to find out what the root cause was that caused him to do this. It may help you to understand him. To be frank, I think you need psychological help.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby iamjoesforever » Sat Dec 06, 2014 1:59 pm

I know why he did what he did, the reasoning, I just can't believe he did it. I don't think I need help just because I am curious about what happened.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby insearchofpeace » Sat Dec 06, 2014 4:13 pm

x
Last edited by insearchofpeace on Fri Dec 19, 2014 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby briansfolks » Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:59 pm

Yes, You do need help! And intensive help from a licensed therapist. This forum is not the therapy you need.
I hope you get some!
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby iamjoesforever » Sat Dec 06, 2014 11:08 pm

Are you kidding me, I need serious help? You can't actually believe I am the only person who has thought this. And Briansfolks, why are you even in this thread, you lost your kid, not your soulmate. Go to the thread where you talk about your kid.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby lostwife » Sun Dec 07, 2014 1:49 am

This is trauma. And our brains all process trauma a little differently. The intrusive thoughts and seeing the scene over and over can last for a long time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you for wanting to see the pictures. I am certain the coroner has a file and as the surviving spouse you should be able to see any part of it you wish. Victims services in your county may be able to guide and support you in this journey. You won't be the first or the last grieving spouse that has requested information so they may be a good resource for you. You may eventually be offered the gun back if it was legally obtained and registered, brace yourself for that shitty call. Its one of the many things we survivors have to face. There is no right or wrong, only what works for you. Many people want pictures or the weapon used or ALL of the details. And you are right, it may help or it may make things worse. No way anyone else can know.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved. Please take care of yourself and be at peace with your decision.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby cmarie » Sun Dec 07, 2014 11:24 am

Hi,
I lost my son to suicide , but just wanted to share something with you.
For me, the insatiable need to know everything about exactly how he died lessened after a while. Somehow it felt that knowing the details would make it easier to comprehend the why. Eventually I cam to terms with not knowing why(because I never would) and the how, what, when etc then became less critical.

Having said that, I got to see, hold, lie with my son when we found him(he hung himself) so I had that closure.

Please take care of yourself- be gentle, and my advice would be to just wait a bit. Once you look you can't undo it.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby briansfolks » Sun Dec 07, 2014 10:52 pm

Get Help!
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Postby Blossom » Mon Dec 08, 2014 1:07 am

Hi, Iamjoesforever,

I am very sorry for the loss of your soulmate. I completely understand your need to immerse yourself in anyway you can...literally and figuratively. People are so different, aren't they....even in grief. I was definitely an 'investigator'....but very cosmic as well. I say 'was', since grief is not front of mind for me mostly, these days. I am no less understanding of the enormity of your experience. I know how compelling that need to know, is. Denying it would be kind of toxic.

I wanted to add to all of this....I lost my son and he was in another state when he died. I couldn't see him at the morgue as I kept collapsing and going into shock. Some weeks or months later, I was speaking to the lovely female police officer who looked after my son's case.....she kindly described over the phone, what she saw in the photos. I tis only in reading your post that I realise that this was very special since she saw a physically relaxed, peaceful young man. It is all subjective....I am sure I would have seen differently. In hindsight, i realise that i was very lucky.

I hope that helps a little. I'm glad that you have come here. I am sorry to say that I do not visit very often anymore.

Hold on, take care of yourself please. Jan
Blossom x

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