Today is 1 Month

[jillslay8]

Well it is 1 month since my brother was found and now I am starting to get these panic feelings in my stomach and chest like I want to take a deep breath and cant my heart races and I then get really mad at my brother for taking my brother away from me. We grew up together we were to also grow old together and take care of my mother together he should see his children have children you know what I mean Yet in the same thought I still can not absorb that he is not here? I feel like I am all screwed up.

[Blossom]

Jill, you are not screwed up. It is so hard for our hearts and minds to come together in a united, single 'grasp' of loss of your brother - for me, my son. While it feels that never the twain shall meet between heart and head, there will be moments when they do...bitter-sweet and not so 'screwed up'. The things you speak of....needing to breathe etc. - are normal ...that doesn't help you now....I know it feels so impossible to feel forever different from what you used to be....I know the panic. I'm so sorry, I can't fix this with advice. I just can't. But I can let you know that even though you may feel isolated in your inner world that incessantly grapples with a future lost, you are not alone in feeling this and you are not alone in realising a future again. The most helpful thing I can offer for surviving into that future is to let you know today, this very moment, that I have heard your broken heart. What a beautiful loving, sister you are to your brother, to see him by your side...and you always will be. If you feel like it, you are very warmly welcomed to speak of him and your loss, here, as the day and your heart leads you.

Jill, I have cried in a cupboard and I don't think that is screwed up...I think that is surviving this devastating loss. Please, whatever it takes to survive this pain, may not feel like coping, but it is. Please take care. I got a little dehydrated and a thin about a month after my son died - please eat, drink water and lay your head down at the slightest twinge of fatigue. Again, please take care.

I am very sorry for the loss of your dear brother. Hold on Jill.

[jillslay8]

Blossom,
Thank you so much They do say time is the thing that helps most eases I guess I am sorry for the loss of your son .